Pasted

How’s 2022 been doing for you all? Great? Terrible? Do you feel dead on the inside? Let’s get right into it.
 Whether you found me through VRChat or another game, or you’ve became a memer on the Phantom Thieves or had lots of feelings in the F1 for Cuddles Discord Servers, or even found me in another Discord Server we had in common. Hey, maybe you’re the lucky few that have seen me in real life and got your way into this server. Now that’s an achievement! Hah hah hah…
 It is my responsibility as a Server Owner, and as a friend to be transparent about myself and let you all know the grand questions:
 How have I been doing? 
What will I do next?
 I’ll also give you guys something very important that you can all apply to your lives, as it will either apply to you or perhaps a loved one that you know. After I write that part out, that’s it for me.
 A bit of context on myself here, as about 50% of you I have met this year. Unless you’ve actually asked me questions directly about myself, I don’t really talk about my background all that much. It’s due time to give myself a proper introduction: 
 ```css
[About Crit]```
 You can call me Crit, outside of the digital world: I repair PCs and do quality control work for a private company. Previously I’ve tutored people for Computer Science & Mathematics, worked retail with Best Buy for some years, and here I am now. As for hobbies or things I’ve done: I have played the violin for 8 years, I draw on an iPad, and I do constant tinkering around with my custom rig PC. It actually looks like a Gundam! Wow. The biggest hobby I would say I have, is volunteering to help others with their mental woes. Hence the ‘Press F1 for Cuddles’ server was born. It was actually created because I wanted to make atones for the previous mistakes I have made in the peak of The Phantom Thieves. I never informed any of my staff at the time that I was making a second server until the workload piled up on me big time. Which I then later told my main staff about it. Hah hah hah… Yeah, I tend to have a habit of going full ham on a project by myself when I really want something done.
 But how did I exactly get to where I am with all of you lovely people involved? Well, I started out with playing various MMOs throughout 2010’s and free to play games, then gradually grew into using Discord. And also, my personality started out as the typical shy main character in the various high school animes you’ve all seen. The acceleration of my socializing really didn’t grow fruit until I got used to dealing with customers at my previous job during the Geek Squad days and at that point, I ran The Phantom Thieves Discord server as a goal to have a place where you can meme and chill all guised under the Persona 5 theme. The grand opus is being on VRChat through a Virtual Headset and just talking to random strangers every day that I was on the platform through the crowded public lobbies. I did this everyday whether I loved it or hated it, and whether I was in a good mood or I felt extremely terrible. I pushed myself to the limit of my mental state because in my mind, I’d rather be doing something than doing nothing and curling up into a ball. Which is the last thing I want to do. To me, it creates stagnation, it creates contention, and it will not allow you to grow as a person.
 That being said, while I am physically fine, my mind has seen better days. It took until recently to be in this state and I at that moment, I see the whole picture with myself. So, now is the time to have all of this in writing while I have these thoughts laid out to me in the next section below.
 ```css
[The Roadmap of the Internal Issues]```
 - The biggest factor of it all really comes down to the idea that there’s always something I could improve on or be better at on all fronts. Which in the long run, ends up me being burnt out. If let’s say I achieved a goal, most people would take the time to celebrate it. Me on the other hand? I say, “Alright that’s done on to the next one.” Without taking much of a break. 
 - Next, while I will give myself a pat on the back for being able to socialize with all sorts of people, and even comfortable talking to strangers. The lack of consistency with regulars to hang out with sometimes have left me missing the idea of having continuity or building history has left me feeling sad at times. For context, prior to me making VRChat my home, I felt more connected with the Discord Server in a sense as we are able to read messages and look back to them. But because I am very hooked to meeting new people on a consistent basis, it brings excitement, and at the same time because I have a lack of focus of who to join in on (Yes VRChat I’m calling most of you out, you’re on orange and barely accept my invites), I end up taking things in my own hand and end up joining in on public lobbies.
 - Now while I’m a huge advocate of people having free will to choose whichever activities they want to do on their spare time, I get immersed to this belief to the extreme that I let people go after the first interaction even when we become friends, add each other on Discord, etc. The issue comes into play when I end up being overwhelmed with who should I message first and whether they’re busy or not. That ends up becoming a choice paralysis on my end and I end up not DMing anyone that day. Sometimes, it accumulates and I end up not saying much all week.
 - My mind is also often in thought regarding that over time, people do come and go. It does strike fear inside of me on some nights when I end up waking up from my sleep. Other times, I can laugh a storm and say, “it is what it is”. 
 - My mind tends to be skeptical on anything positive happening my way that I end up being in a state of surrealism. And it takes a long time for the realization to sink in place. (Example: It took me a couple years running Discord that I really did a good job with what I do.)
 - There are also a few external factors that are outside of my control that I have either lost, or in the process of grieving… That will also take additional time to recover from. The Jeep will soon be due for some repairs as well, so that’s always looming in the back of my mind as well.
 Until I get all this down to at least 80% resolved, it will be safe to say that I have a long road ahead of me. I’m at least 25% of the way there, as I’ve at least acknowledged that these are all issues (and finding out about them). I have talked about this with several people on various forms, and the reality after talking about all this is: I’ll really need to find a way to come to terms with all of these. 
 The best shot I have is that I can internalize all these thoughts into a dream state, where I can then meditate on it and head these issues, face to face. Almost like in Mother 1 (Earthbound in English), in order to face the final boss, your party would have to have their brains transplanted to a robot and be sent to a completely different dimension back in time to defeat this final boss, Giygas. 
 Except I’ll be all alone facing this, as I unfortunately can’t take you guys physically with me. The good news I can say is nothing chronic or terminal has gotten me. But the magnitude of what’s on my to do list should not be underestimated either.
 ```css
[The Next Steps of Critical Hit]```
 Effective immediately until further notice, the following actions will be taken for myself:
 The Phantom Thieves: Maintenance Mode**, discontinued all events hosted by Critical Hit (including VCs).
Press F1 for Cuddles: Maintenance Mode**, discontinued all events hosted by Critical Hit.
All Other Discord Servers: Will Be Offline
VRChat: Decreased Activity
 My Discord DMs: They will be open. Unless it is of urgent nature, responses will be delayed or I will be set to read-only.
 **Maintenance Mode entails that the minimum required work will be taken care of the server. 
 The remainder of my spare time outside of work related activities will be mostly spent on being by myself likely with little to no social media presence.
 ```css
[Critical Hit’s Final Words]```
 Let’s take a moment to take a deep breath here. I want to at least end this on a positive note. I’ll hold no promise on anything prior to it, but here goes… 
 The Game of Life is more than just a board game. It’s an Open World MMORPG. You can exactly do as you see fit. At the same time, there will be many challenges ahead of you. The thing about every person is their challenges are going to be different. There will be challenges you will not even realize, and the mental battle is probably one of the hardest things to come across.
 For some people, they have self-esteem or self-worth issues. For others, not being able to trust anyone or anything makes everything feel like a nightmare. Perhaps the fight or flight stimuli activates when someone feels suspicious of others, breaking down into heated arguments. Sprinkle in a bit of the kind of people that feel like no matter what they do or how hard they try, they always feel inferior to other people and say to themselves, “Why even bother trying anymore? It will end up the same every single time.”
 While with the above issues, finding the right people can counter all those woes and worries. 
 However, the self-realization about everything having a limited life span and the de-personalizing of one’s self that your mind conjures up on a daily? It is also a hard journey.
 I’ll admit right here and right now: **Today, I have lost the mental game.**
 But just because I reached a **Game Over**, doesn’t mean that your life ends here as well.
 You’re alive. You’re breathing. You at least see in your eyes that people are caring for you, rooting for you, you do not see people as data, you see them as a human being. You can call them “bruh” and laugh about it. And you know what? That’s awesome, you do you.
 Me on the other hand? I see everything in terms of raw data and flow charts. The ‘chill factor’ that the majority of you have known (and loved in some cases) is running out within me, I’m not going to sustain it much longer. If you attempt to join me on VRChat, all I will say is I won’t be the same. Keep that in mind.
 You will have terrible days, no doubt. When you get to fixing those terrible days and other issues that ale you, don’t forget to live your life to the fullest. 
 Allow yourself to have emotions. Allow yourself to live. Allow yourself to pursue your hobbies and dreams. Allow yourself to be open to talking to both people you are familiar and new ones. And when you’re ready for it, go out there and care for people you genuinely want to be with that will treat you right. 
 Those will all be the ingredients to have a relatively successful life. The true definition of success is what you make it to be.
 Actually if anything… With everything I’ve said above, that is part of the secret of how you guys describe my “chill nature”, or rather, was…
 If this nature is what you’re looking for and you want to live by those standards. You’re more than welcome to do so. You don’t even have to credit me for it, it’s yours for the taking. That was what I’ve been fighting for the entire time, being able to relax and talk with the sense of coziness. 
 You’re all in charge of your own destinies now. And if you don’t want this world to be ran by toxic people, then show them by example how life should be lived. Live your life by your terms, and you’ll never lose (in theory, that is. Context is always key).
 You’re all the main protagonists of this story now, live it to the fullest and if you want what’s around you become a better place? Then the change starts with you.
 I leave it up to you guys, and I genuinely enjoyed every single one of you that had interacted with me.
 Don’t think of this as the end for me, but think of it as a start of a new Era that all of you collectively can change the course of your lives and make it even better than before. Work as a team if you must.
 My time has come to do one final battle within myself. If I don’t come back, that means I lost.
 I’ll be closing my eyes now. 
 Go on ahead without me, you got this.