Pasted

The Monologue and the Precursor
 A Nomad in a Wasteland With Troubled Thoughts - https://pastebin.com/b6Md3atp (June 22, 2022)
 Volume I 
 Entropic, Grand Sky, & Mind Labyrinth Arcs - https://pastebin.com/NxpK0cHe (Aug 23, 2022 ~ Mar 20, 2023) 26k words
 Kingdom Hearts Arc
 Coming to Terms with Myself - https://pastebin.com/7BCTxuVR ~7.8k words. (March 26, 2023)
By Becoming a 24/7 Convenience Store Just For You - https://pastebin.com/XPAwA6ys ~5.3k words. (April 9, 2023)
Because My Biggest Strength Socially is Doing Absolutely Nothing - https://pastebin.com/HbBgXPMc ~2k words. [Current] (April 17, 2023)
 _____________________________________
 It's about time to tackle the biggest feedback I've been given, and I will be playing the Devil's Advocate as an exercise.
 "You're really chill and relaxing to be around."
"You're just vibing man!"
"You look really comfy there."
"I feel really comfortable around you."
 Now, I've already have a few people who tell me, "Crit, what's the big deal here? You do have people that see you."
 Kind of like comfort food, you know it's always there and around. And over time, people will be adventurous and want to try out new foods. Sometimes they will like it and will switch things up, sometimes they will love what they had so much that it becomes a permanent staple to their pantry. 
 In the pursuit of always wanting a new adventure everyday and meeting new people, the dopamine rush of meeting really neat people one day, and then another day where there's barely any activity. You could say I've on a daily basis, always gained something but also lost just as much as I've gained. Therefore, it seems to balance out a lot in theory. 
 Those compliments feel really sweet, don't get me wrong. However, when you wake up the next day, or week. And those people are no longer there (with this re-occurrence happening so frequently), it can make me wonder at times if there's not much of an entertainment value or something worth seeing me again. Sure, those thoughts can hurt. But when that mindset is always at the back of your mind, I end up living with it. "I hope for the best, but expect for the worst." As I say to myself before I get up and live out my day.
 Is this a negative mindset to have? It seems like it, but I don't think so in my opinion. The key word is 'expect', because you're already planning what to do if the outcome or goal you want doesn't come to you. It could be a job you're looking for, the person you want to date, or even pursue your passion and turning that into something you can do full time. The common theme here with all of those examples listed is: It always requires consent from both (or all people) involved. 
 The good news is I'm always ready to be told "No" to just about anything I ask, because there can be things outside of your control that determines the reason why that "No" was said in the first place. Instead, I celebrate that people have the ability to speak up and be honest in saying that. Because at the end of the day, I care the most about the person I talk in front to and want what's best for them. To ask anything on my end is to feel selfish in some degree. Even asking if someone wants to hang out, I end up freezing over that and end up not saying a word to anyone.
 I look into my options and see that I could do something for myself and play a game or work on a hobby. Or, I could be in a room filled with people, and I can sit there and do nothing. 
 I chose to do nothing almost every time.
 The real question then is, am I actually doing nothing when I sit there or lay there? 
 A lot of randoms and people who are only acquaintances would say yes.
 However, there are some of you reading this that are certified Crit Experts who somehow see every move I do. Those people are yelling, "It seems like it, but you're not."
 Even if I am doing nothing on purpose, it's mentally not possible. That's the simple matter that your brain when it idles, it will wander about the first thing it thinks of, and will latch onto that thought.
 I would say that particular tool of doing nothing is a pre-requisite to meditation (at least for me, it works out a lot). I've conquered a lot of fears with this method, but there will be certain topics that I won't be able to overcome, or perhaps that's just how the world works and it's outside of anyone's control. 
 The beauty in doing nothing is that you have the opportunity to observe what's around you and then choose if you do want to take action at a later time. However, the bane in doing nothing consistently is also the aspect of missed opportunities. However, defining missed opportunities is going to depend on the person themselves. Someone who is extroverted will go wild over the concept of doing nothing because it is a strong sense of fear of missing out if they don't contact everyone in the room. Someone who is introverted will feel bad about the lack of initiating conversations and the feeling of doing nothing only makes them more nervous. When you add the layer of establishing as a friend and knowing when to reach out to someone or not with that same mindset, it can be very daunting. 
 How do I overcome that situation?
 This will be a funny answer. I still do nothing, but I do one thing slightly different. I always tell people, "You're welcome to drop by and see me anytime. That's really the best way to see me." And leave them an invitation to see me on their own time.
 How convenient, almost like the concept of being a convenience store.
 For the first half of my life, I used to chase and initiate with other people a lot. But I realize that there was a limit to it all and found that limit. So over time, the threshold to initiate has gotten lower to the point it's almost 10%. 
 I do put myself out there and while I do enjoy the random company that does show up. The reality is that every individual person has their own life to live, their own dreams, goals, hobbies, passions, and their own group of people that are very consistent with seeing each other. Not everyone will see you as a person to relate or talk to, or perhaps they are at their quota on the amount of friends they maintain, so people decide to enjoy the moment and then go their own ways after. For example, I've got friend requests from simply sitting near a person. And in some instances, I could have an awesome conversation talking about things we both relate to, but after that we end up saying bye to each other and not see each other again. 
 One could really wander what would happen if things turned out differently instead of moving on. But this is this, and that is that.
 Now, I look at myself and realize, "You know, sure I don't have a dedicated group of people I see consistently. However, I do feel like I have the freedom to choose my own destiny with life. So I'll choose to just wander around and meet random people, have a conversation or two. Laugh a bit, then move on to the next thing. If people decide to stick around for the ride, that's nice. Otherwise, no worries. Long as those people enjoyed the company in the moment, I'll take it." That logic is very sound, but  to be saying that to myself on a weekly basis or two, it seems to serve me more as a reminder to not take things personally if people choose to not interact with you or you rarely see them. To instead enjoy the times that they have. And that if the effort's made to simply say "Yeah I'm down to hang out with you sometime it's been a while since I saw you." with that offer not being taken? It is what it is. 
 I'm fortunate that a few people do say on record that I'm welcome to reach out or the like, and I make sure to do so. But I too, also like to partake in a couple of things before seeing other people too. 
 If anything, I've been mostly relying on interactions with strangers to get me by more than hanging out with friends. In turn, I've learned to talk, adapt, and socialize at a rapid pace because of that. The tradeoff to relying on interactions with strangers is really, there's no sense of permanence. So at most, you'll end up having a lot of surface level conversations with most people, and if you expand that over the course of a thousand hours or so, it's entirely possible burnout can happen. But at the same time, it's an enjoyable experience when you find the right people which those feelings end up getting negated. 
 The other aspect I've came to terms because of who I am, I do give out those cozy vibes indeed. But I know that is the only extent I provide. I know I don't really stand out in any other category whether it be content creating, acting, or the like. People on a platform will gravitate heavily on those users, but I'm more than fine being the prop that just always exist, waiting to be examined. It makes things more interesting to not take the initiative at times. 
 Are there times when I take initiative? Definitely when a conversation is very engaging to me or find something adorable or cool to gush over. 
 But otherwise? It seems that my current trend of doing nothing seems to give me a balance of flexibility and freedom, but past the first time or two conversations, it seems that I fall really short in the consistent communication aspect because my feelings and passion to talk to the same person kind of dimmers when my mind hovers around the aspect of, "People are living their own lives too, I shouldn't be that selfish and ask them to hang out or even leave a message." Which that mindset in itself, it is an annoying one to live with I'll admit. But I can not deny that's just simply a part of me. And I'm also aware that it is also the biggest contributor for me living primarily alone. At the same time, I also like to take my time to know people more. Though at the rate I see the same friends, which is almost very little, it'll be a long while before anything big happens. But sometimes, life can be just so unpredictable which is what I've learned last year in 2022. Experiencing love before when the conditions are right, it is a very euphoric feeling, comforting, safe, and it allows you to always be yourself, and be cared for by simply being yourself. I can understand why people do partake in getting closer to date and all.
 Perhaps this entire time, I've just been looking for unique experiences that I can smile to, that I can rest easy knowing that, "You know, I've wandered most of my life on my own terms. But at least I had fun with it, you know?" 
 Alright guys, moving forward... I will do nothing and let people come find me instead. 
 And from there? 
 I'll make sure you're taken care of if you do decide to interact with me and it turns out well.