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Our Horrifying Planet: How to Destroy It

aphirst | PRO | 12/03/14 10:06:51 PM UTC | 0 ⭐ | 333 👁️ | Never ⏰ | []
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To create Horrifying Planet, our camera crews filmed many repulsive and offensive things no one had seen before, many of which are now being driven to annihilation by human kind's encroachment.  But how do we hasten this process?  There is no simple answer.  But there's one way we can all do our part:  by dumping bleach everywhere.
 Pollution is slowly poisoning Earth's essential river systems.  But dumping a ton of bleach in a river is sure to eliminate many of them even faster.  Bleach is affordable and accessible and makes it easy to destroy this disgusting ecosystem.  And what of the Polar Bear?  Our world's changing climate is already beginning to destroy its Arctic habitat.  But how can we use bleach to destroy this faster?  Some think the answer lies in seals.  By creating a false seal, using a large black balloon filled of bleach, one can imagine pretty easily giving a Polar Bear a hefty mouthful of bleach.  And by wiggling a seal balloon around a bit, another seal could try to mate with it.  Then possibly dying, or becoming sterile or at least getting bleach all over itself.
 Even vast jungles could be destroyed with enough bleach.  We don’t know a lot about bleach, but it stands through reason that if you poured a hundred gallons of it in a big pool near a forest, it would evaporate into big bleach clouds that would rain down bleach onto the plants and animals below.  And what of the arid desert?  Desert animals are always desperate to drink any kind of fluid.  Just put little bowls of bleach wherever and they will drink it up.  Bleaching birds, however, is not so simple.  Flying away at even the smallest hint of being splashed with bleach, these filthy flyers require a creative solution.  A bleach mist pumped into the atmosphere.    Destroying every creature on earth will take a tremendous amount of bleach.  Unfortunately, the world's bleach reserves are being squandered on frivolous tasks such as bleaching clothing and sanitizing surfaces.  Posterity may very well look back on this as the great age of bleach.  But supplies are not limitless.  It is up to us to find sustainable ways of using bleach to eradicate every species on the planet.  Once non-human life has been utterly destroyed, we shall turn the bleach on ourselves.  At midnight, March 15, 2020, every man, woman, and child shall simultaneously quaff exactly one gallon of bleach.
 The sun will rise the following morning on new Earth, the immaculate barren planet she was always meant to be.

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