Pasted

Previous Parts:
 The End of a Saga (Part 1) - https://pastebin.com/9w27Erq7 (August 23, 2022)
The Road to Finding Inner Peace Within Myself (Part 2) - https://pastebin.com/rXaQxdwR (Sept. 25, 2022)
The Time Dilation Effect (Part 3) - https://pastebin.com/AAa2iAxa (Oct. 12, 2022)
The Ultimate Sacrifice (Part 4) - https://pastebin.com/SvbkA8FC (Oct 24, 2022)
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 You know, while I'm in an alright mood I figure to just write away. 
 I don't think anyone actually knows how I usually operate on a day to day basis with my mindset. So I figured to just have the first thing to come up on my mind and just go with it. Maybe in due time, someone may read this and I've helped them out because they may face certain aspects that are relatable to them.
 [Spending Time As A Nomad]
 For starters, outside of my real world obligations (such as work), my biggest priorities are people who go out of their way to reach out to me, or those who sit me down and let me know that I matter to them. There's an extremely small amount of you, and you know who you are. You guys message me even if I appear offline. You guys look out for me when you're online and you join on me regularly. I'll usually reply back to those people in a relatively quick manner and I'll be open to talking about every thought that passes by me.
 Now when I am left to my own accord, most of that is spent meeting new people through Discord or VRChat. While I meet anywhere on a range of 50-100 new people a day, I usually come out empty handed. Some days I'll end up befriending several people. 
 When I go into public settings, the first thing I usually look for is the nature of how people talk, and what the conversations about. While I understand most people that I came across want to talk about either: "Being the tough thug" or "There's this hot guy/girl mmmph", and I usually pass on those. And naturally, the ones that scream in the mic a ton of non-sense. Where I end up finding great people are the strangers that would notice my presence and eventually invite me to come over. Those encounters almost guarantee at the least that they have good intentions of wanting to chat and be chill with you. But some of the greatest conversations I've had were people I've randomly talked to, and never seen them again. We didn't add each other to keep in touch, but we knew that the conversation was really chill. 
 I've also come in with a general guideline of how I operate in public social spaces below:
 1) Do not be the star of the show and come in as an observer at first.
2) Come in with no expectations. Realize that people choosing who wants to go past the first conversation is a two-way street and it's more than acceptable that not everyone is going to be interested in talking to you. Or even if a conversation seems chill, there are other people that they focus on. And that's fine.
3) Regarding New People in a Public Area:
3a) If you do not feel for the synergy of a group or a social lobby within the first few minutes or find a red flag, find a new one. 
3b) Otherwise, stick around and listen.
4) If there's a topic that catches your attention, speak out about it and say something.
5) If the atmosphere is nice and relaxing to chill in, just kick back, relax and lay there.
6) Immediately reply if someone says your name and take it from there.
7) Never add anyone as a friend. Let them add you if they really show an interest to you.
8) If you've been added and the conversation was nice? Add them back. Otherwise, don't.
9) There will be people who are friendly and really shy and may feel the same, so in those rare cases if I feel like the conversation or their company was amazing (example: Mutes), I'll rarely add those people back, and give them a Discord to keep in touch as well.
10) If I am in a bad mood or day or get asked how I am, I be honest with not feeling well, but keep it brief and not rant about it. Mention that it's a work in progress.
11) Always go with the flow of what the chat's going on about. If they're talking about memes, I'll do the same. If they are talking about the real world, I'll do the same as well. 
12) Have fun with the process of talking to random people and if it applies, learn from their experiences or stories.
 The biggest realization at the end of the day is: People's times are limited and people have their preferences on who they really want to be with. If you have the drive or passion to talk to a certain individual because they make you feel amazing and really happy? By all means, go for it and see them. You can even disappear mid-conversation and not say a word, and I'll just simply hope that you live out the best life possible. 
 I get an overwhelming amount of feedback that I am a chill person. To that, I can see why. I agree with most of it. I would say from my perspective, I just let things go and I always assume that everyone has other things they tend to. Just knowing that people are able to live out their own lives in a sense makes me feel relieved that people are exercising their freedom of choice with their lives. I want more people to realize that it's ultimately your life at the end of the day, and you can choose who to be with for any and no reason. I've came across a fair share of individuals that feel like they must be tied down to a person or a friend group in order to enjoy their lives, and that's not really a healthy mindset to have in my opinion. You're literally robbing yourself a portion of your life away when you do this. However, for the people that already have a set social group system and are not actively looking for new people in order to strengthen the bonds of the people they know, then that's a different story entirely and that's also alright by me.
 [My Downfalls]
 Now what makes the least amount of sense to me (you're welcome to disagree with this), is spending any of that time on me.
 I'd say the biggest reason is this: I can provide the value of keeping you company, but I can't promise anything else as of late. 
 People are simplistic in nature on their intentions or what they want. If they find someone who keeps them comfortable or anything of that nature, they will cling onto that person no matter what, until the end of time. That tends to be how a fair share of romance happens from the experience of others, and my first hand experience in it as well. I've heard those words many times on the "I feel really comfortable around you." and it sometimes happens to form at the very least, something affectionate in return. Those moments do feel really sweet, and I take that into account as a moment to celebrate that there's at least one more person who cares about you as a person. 
 I also realize I'm very deep in my thoughts. Let's be real, who doesn't want to do homework? Nobody does. Well, sad to say, my mind is like homework. That's another easy reason, feel free to close this tab if you hate homework.
 I'm set in my mind that I'll be taking care of myself first and foremost simply because I have rare instances of people listening to me at my deepest level of my internal thoughts. I've spent most of my lifetime on myself, I rarely got into romantic relationships because I've not made that my priority with my life. I just want myself, and the people that are looking out for me taken care of in the sense they're stable enough to continue living out their lives. I will watch them through their ups and downs, I will cheer them on if they had some amazing things happen to their life. And it's especially pleasing that you were the reason you contributed to their lives positively. 
 I have a few people that do reach out to me on a weekly basis, but I also end up seeing that most have to go because they have other friends in need, significant others, you name it. This is an extremely common outcome when it comes to hanging out with me, it honestly shaped my mind and cemented the idea of:
 "You know, as long as I give the people I care about a good time and they acknowledge me for it... I'm fine kicking the bucket and ending my life being alone of old age."
 The other reason this may likely cement the thought I had previously is: I may likely be Grayromantic. It basically means I rarely feel romantic attraction. I have dated a few people before and had been in romantic relationships. I'm aware of what it's like when you finally find someone who is extremely unique to you that you have amazing synergy with. And I've had experiences where things slip away over time and not become romantic anymore. It is a part of life to figure out over time if the person you're going to be with is the right fit for you over time. It just happens. I'm not really disappointed in it or anything, because at the least I can look forward to having new adventures without having to commit. 
 The Nomadic lifestyle in the sense I've adopted is another big contributor. I used to send a lot of DMs to other people or try to request off other people, and when I don't really get replied to back over the last several months. I ended up adopting a lifestyle shift where I decided to no longer chase people around. I'll end up doing my own thing but I'll leave my door open for other people to join me if they wish to hang out with me to further prevent any expectations or disappointment. It at least works out for me in terms of my self-esteem, but I am aware that focusing on hanging out with strangers on a daily basis without getting to know too close to the people you care about is going to end up balancing out and not a lot of people will decide to keep contact with you because you appear busy, or that person prefers to be in private instances because of the nature of you being public. So in reality, I have alienated myself out from about 98% of the people I've came across from constantly meeting new people on a daily basis. 
 [What Will I Do Next?]
 With the real world, I'll just maintain a good work ethic and do the best job I can do since my current work place treats me right.
With social encounters, I'll play it by ear on what happens next. I'm just going to live out my life by having casual conversations, and if any of them turn out to be more than that, that are really special? Then we'll just keep that going. 
 Otherwise, I'm just me. I'm alright for now. I'll still have to deal with the battle against my mind putting me down or making my self-worth be lower than what I am... But at the very least, I can say that a few people sat me down and went out of their way to tell me how great of a person I am. As much as my cynical mind will tend to disagree, I will still take their word for it and call it a day. 
 My main focus is just feeling better through the power of hanging out with people, it's my main source after all. I've also had to unfortunately carry on and move away from a very small amount of individuals who not only were not on the same page, but our differences in how we perceive life and being misunderstood to a greater degree has resulted me in having to no longer interact with them.
 I'm sure I'll come to many more realizations about how the world works, but I'm also the kind of person that will either keep things to myself, or I'll rant about it when the time comes. 
 Until next time.