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Read Time: 45 minutes (~9,100 words).
 First of all, happy first year of me journaling stuff! Had I known it would of been much more fun and liberating to write my thoughts, I would of done this sooner. Plus this stuff is a great way to easily pick out the amazing people who take the time to read all this and actually have genuine conversations about this stuff. 
 Anyway, it's been a couple of months since the last entry. June was busy with work, and July was really taking a general break. Enjoying the surrounding around me. Around the end of June, I've also released my own personal website at critical.uwu.ai. There's an easter egg somewhere in there on the main page. Trust me you'll be rewarded if you've been hanging out with me for a while.
 It's also a good thing I left the last entry on a positive note. It seemed like all those good vibes other people have imparted into me, I've ended up carrying things through. 
 As my mind recollects and drifts a bit about the year that has transpired now that I feel better in general. I now realize and understand my past self. And the mindset that I went through. I'll talk about all that, and much more.
 I'll give a trigger warning right now as it deals with sad and dark themed content in the first half regarding depression and being harsh on myself. But not to worry, I am writing this with a sound mind as of writing this. I am recollecting how I felt in the moment as I write certain sections.
 You can Ctrl+F /Critical's Research On Self/ to bypass that and read into what I've learned about myself if that content is sensitive.
 The following entry will be broken up into two parts:
 /The History of Critical Hit's Internal Development of Darkness/ - Part 1
/Critical's Research on Self/ - Part 2
 ===============================================
 /The History of Critical Hit's Internal Development of Darkness/ - Part I of the Journal
 Note: There are previous entries that have covered this part in more detail. But explaining it in this way will get the bigger picture of what I'll be leading into.
 I used to be filled with energy to be able to reach out to others early on with school, but played off as a nice and polite person. In practice, that is fine but if the only thing you're known for is being nice... It can leave a lot to be desired and people like a bit more of a dynamic person from my experience. 
 As I've carried on with life, I've gotten better interacting with people in person for a couple of semesters in college. I ended up being a college dropout due to not being able to afford to go back so I ended up just working and climbing my way up, slowly but surely. And as I've done so, I know my mom feels ashamed of me for not finishing college. But I've been able to make a living for myself over time because I was working diligently. 
 However, as I've worked very hard to only be a dependable and reliable co-worker, it seems that in the professional world, the only thing people know me for is that I work to the best I can and I work long hours to get the most ridiculous tasks done. In turn, the workplace was really impressed (and still is with my current job) for what I do. 
 Being told you're good at your professional job can only go so far though. Rather... It felt like it was the only thing that I was good for since I did not come across many comments about wanting to hang out after work. Which in a sense, mirrored what happened in school as well.
 Tried hard as I might with online interaction, there was a lot of hit and misses with socializing. But let's say when there were a couple of people who I stuck around and helped them out, some actually taken a liking to me. However, I knew better that there were a lot of issues and sadness within myself that I couldn't honestly honor a romantic relationship especially if I could not take that first foot forward. So I've declined that...
 And for just about an entire decade, I've been in a state of moving forward, working to the core, not looking back for a second to slow down. I thought to myself, "If I can't save my mental state right now, then I'd rather give the remaining joy and happiness to other people who do choose to hang out with me. That way, I can be at peace knowing I can at least do one thing right on a personal level..."
 Because most of that was part time work, there were no health care benefits to take advantage of therapy so I really chose to face all my internal issues on my own. 
 [The Advanced Development of Critical Hit's Internal Development of Darkness] 
 The type of depression I was afflicted with was logic based that is chained with a series of "If the only feedback I get was something I could improve on, but not get any indicators of when I was doing something good, then I'm at a loss." Unfortunately, this was something I could not put into words throughout my entire lifetime. I only recently figured this out shy of writing this entry. But because it took a long time figure it out, what happened throughout the rest of this section is rather the consequences of my decision to self-care in a very inefficient way:
 You know how life can work when people can just come and go at any point in your life with almost little to no reason? Or that people have limited time and attention span to get to know and be close to a few people? Sometimes, people can be busy with life, and that's that. My mind was set with those truths with life. That if those slots are full like a full friend list, then people no longer have the energy to give to talk to new people, or maintain talking to you. So I went with the assumption if people no longer keep in contact after a couple of tries, it is time to move on and I end up letting those people message me back. 
 I used to have the opposite problem where I take every person who used to talk to me but suddenly stopped showing up, it hurt me too well so I knew I had to find a way to come to terms with it. But it is when enough people start to not show up or lose contact for a while, I start getting desensitized. In a sense, I was no longer sad about this concept. 
 But that desensitized feeling... How do I best explain this emotion? It almost feels like a meditative state where I close my eyes and whatever thoughts were pinning me down, I end up letting it go and say to myself, "Today's another day, and it's time to get up and keep on moving." Ah yes, it's almost like factory resetting your entire PC. It felt like a liberating power, almost as if you're free and feel brand new, at first...
 However with this particular feeling, it is not the memories that are lost. It is the emotions and the belief of creating long term bonds that actually got wiped every time I felt a sensation of potentially wanting to be close to someone. Because I really thought that I had too many issues internally, I decided not to burden anyone else and not be as close to people.
 I've been in a situation where I lost an entire friend group over breaking a boundary.
I've been in situations where the group that we play games with fizzle out and people leave.
There were times when one of my favorite niche MMORPGs, Wizardry Online, shut down by Sony Online Entertainment just because 'it isn't nearly as profitable as WoW'.
 Every single time that when a group forms and ends, those desensitized feelings come in. Before you know it, I can get out of bed and get ready for work. Even if some days felt like a drag and I felt like staying home and cry about it instead. With dull eyes, I still did the job I was asked to do, every time. Unless I was physically too ill to get out of bed. I only recall a couple times that had happened, but that was extremely rare on my end. 
 It was thanks to retail work that I was able to deal with people and eventually have a front facing personality that I can put on so I can work well without getting the customers disappointed or upset. But because I still was perceived as nice and friendly, it was quite hard to really read how sad I was. Because I separate work from my personal life, I don't believe in bringing those feelings into the work place because unfortunately, that does not make you money. 
 With only having work and stumbling around online to talk to more people while being pressured to 'get a better real job and go work for Google already', it almost felt like my life was meaningless. Almost as if I was born ONLY for that purpose. That only further depressed me more. But I did not let that stop me from continuing to live. I've witnessed a lot of people get along with friends in a group, and it was something I desired for the longest time yet, I was not able to have that in person. 
 While the Final Fantasy 14 group when I found a group to play with, it did feel like I belong to a group, which eventually they made a Discord Server for that. Only that the previous guild leader ended up calling us normies, talked ill will about how 'weird and cringe I was for having a Discord Server' and peaced out on a competitive server. Taking about half of the people with them and deleting that server. The people that stayed, we eventually grouped up together and had our own private Discord Server. 
 When I realized how finicky a group lasted when following other people... 
 I've had enough...
 If I really want to have a place of my own and not have it disappear one day, I need to do it on my own terms. Therefore, I have made the Salt & RNG Club created in February 28, 2016. Which eventually turned into The Phantom Thieves. My very own Discord Server. It's still alive 7 years later.
 Around February 2, 2019 where I did made some huge mistakes managing my first server, I atoned that by making the "Press F1 for Cuddles" Discord Server making it focused on helping others. Still kicking 4 years later.
 Around that same year in 2019, I gave VRChat a shot in the summer on Desktop. I liked the idea of VR so much got into the Valve Index around September of 2019 and in parallel, I ended up starting my VRChat adventures. 
 Throughout all this time, several achievements were made keeping the place active, and running them both to the best of my abilities. Several people ended up dating each other through both servers, and heard the stories personally. I... I really made great places to hang out that people ended up befriending each other. Even being able to have the courage to talk to random people to the point it became effortless. You could say the atmosphere felt like talking to a best friend every time.
 In due time though, such as life, most of those people grew and moved on to bigger and better things. Some people end up coming back to my surprise some time later, catching up and just enjoying the idea that people have came back.
 But Crit, this sounds very awesome! That's amazing! How can you even manage around 2000 members across both servers?! Why is are we still in this 'Darkness' section?...
 With all that energy unfortunately... I paid an even further price. 
 The extreme levels of being desensitized.
 On Discord's side of things (and on one instance, Skype), this part is a blessing but there were some people that seemed like really decent people, but there was a clear red flag involved that I end up no longer interacting with them. Imagine getting the Wedding stuff in Final Fantasy 14 then do a whole server transfer and admitting they used you just for cosmetics. Imagine having DID and having an affair with multiple people. Those are a couple of examples of such "yikes!" that I'm glad I can tune those out as if nothing happened.
 My desire to want to finally have a place of my own to hang out in... The idea of waking up every single day and hopping on Discord or VRChat to see a new stranger every time. There was no sense of longevity or continuity with the discussions. Every person I met while I remember a decent amount of those interactions, I was never able to get close or deep with them because that desensitized feeling came back. 
 Those feelings yet again, it made me feel functional to keep talking to people, but I was extremely desensitized to the point that I assumed that everyone only enjoyed a casual conversation with me and that's that. I kept getting friend requests here and there, and I accepted it as a form of acknowledgement that they had a chill conversation with me. Most people who I haven't seen in a while eventually come back not remembering. And it is what it is, it can be seen as a sad thing, but I know that we had an entertaining conversation. 
 Any feelings of liking someone also got reset, but there were a couple of people I did end up potentially having feelings that were not affected by this desensitized madness, but they were turned down. At least I got a respectfully quick answer, and I just continued to move on. 
 At this point, it can't be denied that I've helped more people that I could count. 
 But...
 I feel like something is missing. I still feel terrible-
/Desensitizes Self
Wait a minute, why do I still feel sad? I've done so many great things for other people and I used to get such a rush, a sense of happiness. People have been thanking me, being happy about is my usual response... Let me go try and help a few more people out.
/Desensitizes Self
There's a very stressful situation going on and I can't think straight anymo-
/Desensitizes Self
Wait a minute, you've signed a sooicide contract with my ex and she broke the contract early?!!? WHY DID YOU EVEN SUGGEST SUCH A THING SHE'S NOT EVEN HERE ANYMORE! WHY WHY WHY WHY!
/Desensitizes Self
Ah, I've been rejected again. Alright, I gotta get some sleep and get to work.
/Desensitizes Self
I see... I really messed up and there's not a way to make up for it? Very well, I'll leave you guys alone...
/Desensitizes Self
 And before you know it, life really flashed at me in the blink of an eye.
I just kept going back to work, day in and day out. 
I keep a humble face and do as I'm told, and get compensated for it.
 Am I really the nice person because society taught me to do so? Or is it of my own desire?...
 I don't even know anymore-
/Desensitizes Self
 [Aeternitatem Tenebrosus, aka Eternal Darkness]
 It really seems that as long as there's an entertaining conversation to listen or join in on, that will do...
 I can't seem to feel anything with my emotions, but it seems that my mind and my body know how to talk to people so well that it does that "chill" vibe that a lot of people been raving about. 
 I don't understand it.
 Is it really... uncommon to meet a chill person who wants nothing more than a conversation?
Why are people thanking me for just being there... When they have a ton of other people they can see that they have known for longer? That they're so much closer to... And have many common hobbies and traits...
 Ah, people keep saying I sound tired... But it's not nearly as tired as rather I still realize that people are just going to come and go away at any time. I'll still keep talking to random people everyday anyway...
 But it is nice to be in a group within this virtual world.
 You see, my Discord Server regulars have mostly grown and move on, so I figure to start my own adventure again.
 At some point, there are people I stumble upon that end up... Checking up on me. This is honestly a foreign feeling to me. I'm just so used to meeting random people and then we disappear at the end of the day, repeating the cycle...
 But I will honor and answer honestly that I'm... Not the greatest but I'll try to manage. 
 Then before you know it, I meet some more people. They work in seasons at this point. There will be the occasional character or two in my VRChat adventures that really stand out well, and I live in the moment. I enjoy the idea of being closer to the individual until-
 Hey wait... They're gone. Time to do it again- they're gone... 
One more time?
No... But they appreciated me being there for them when they cried... That's something...
 I know I haven't done anything wrong... But rather, I don't feel like I stand out much or present myself in a compelling way...
 [The Revival of Critical Hit]
 There were some laughs along the way with some lobbies, but for the most part, this lasted for most of my time up until some event in the Winter of 2021...
 It was the usual world hopping business as usual as I end up hanging out in the basement of a Midnight Rooftop, laying there to myself. Eventually, a blue haired lady examined the room, and ended up sitting around the general area as well.
 I was laying there, completely numb of all emotions. Eventually, we made eye contact a couple of times. We examined each other's bios. And she ended up reaching out her hand to headpat me.
 "Thank you" I said to her. Which eventually blossomed to a full blown conversation. Exchanging what we do for a living and all that. She has a very soothing voice that was more of a baritone range. Huh, you love to do a ton of nerd stuff like roleplay and D&D and the like, that's neat. We both enjoy helping our friends out, that's also nice.
 It was a rather refreshing conversation. But interesting enough, that blue haired lady stopped by from time to time, on a monthly basis. That in itself impressed me that it was kind of like clockwork... I did not think much of it at the time, but some people just like to naturally stop by once in a while.
 Still doing my own thing and world hopping as usual... By the time May 2022 rolled around, it's been a couple of months since I saw her. We caught up a bit, we had our ups and downs with life. 
 Then I speak up about how I felt.
 "I've still been hanging out in public worlds about every day at this point. It can get very lonesome at times... But even then, this world can be a very toxic place. Despite all that, I'll try to help people who want it because we need a place to... you know, relax in."
 "Yeah, I've been dealing with someone who was really toxic to me. But you know, it's good that you help people. People deserve being helped, especially you."
 I froze for a moment. The words "Especially you" echoed in my head.
 Time stood still, very quiet as my body started to become animated and full of life, my voice no longer sounding tired, it became extremely expressive...
 "WW-W-W-W-W-WWAIIT A M-M-M-MINUTE I AH... I H-HAVE TO ASK... DO YOU LIKE ME?" As I said, in a tsundere tone.
 "Like you? Dare I say, I love you.~"
 All the years worth of being desensitized melted away and my entire body burned hot. For the next several minutes, I ended up becoming extremely flustered and my body sinking like melted ice cream.
 I reciprocated the love back. I ended up playing twenty questions with the blue haired love at the time. But the biggest question I had to ask right away...
 "So when we first met back in the rooftop, what was your first impression of me anyway?"
 "You seemed very lost and down, but you look like you wanted company. I gave it to you... And every time I visited you, I started to develop feelings for you."
 There was no way in my mind that someone as busy as her actually liked me...
 It was in complete shock that it happened. I enjoyed every moment and did my best to live in it. Though it was nerve wrecking at times with the communication barrier from time to time, it felt liberating to be understood and have great synergy...
 On that particular day, I learned what it felt like to be unconditionally loved. That is the most pure form of love I've ever experienced. To stick around and see past your current feelings to see someone you genuinely like being around is a priceless feeling to feel...
 [Step Into a Vast Magical World of Adventure]
 Eventually, I was let go. (But I'm still happy for her that she's living her dreams. To this day, we still kept in touch on a monthly basis but the bond we've made is eternal enough I considered her a soulmate. She was the only person who can read my emotions so effortlessly and always had interesting things to say.)
 It stung in the moment and the reality was that love was the biggest band-aid I had...
 I never resolved the root cause of this depression... 
 I was so fatigued by the sheer amount of e-boys and e-girl looking avatars, talking slang... I despised it. I want to live in a relaxing and colorful world...
 I fell down and crashed in the Genshin World around September of 2022 and started to live a second life as a citizen. Taking on the appearance as Kazuha. 
 But off the gate... I staggered around. I felt broken. The only thing I want to do at that moment is to curl up into a ball. I was just mainly there.
 I eventually broke down into tears when I eventually met a lady wearing a Raiden Shogun avatar approached me and checked up if I was okay. The Scaramouche, the short guy came up and told me, "Oh no please don't cry! I'm here for you!" and they sounded very young. I ended up hugging them both and said thank you. To which I hung out with her a fair share. At some point, the Scaramouche called the two of us Mom and Dad. Well then.
 On another occasion, I eventually stumbled upon a genderless character who ended up sitting next to me. I asked what avatar would suit me, and offered me the Heizou wearing Albedo's outfit that she made herself. I ended up favoriting that right away. I was rather impressed that I used that as my main avatar all while- oh... I gave them a headpat and such. They seem to like it, let's go! Hah hah hah... Which ended up developing a very strong connection in due time. I'll never forget it not even for a moment.
 Eventually, I stumbled upon Diluc's Tavern and eventually made that place a second home. It has its chaos at times, but the lively energy it provided kept me distracted from the darkness. 
 All I did was just hang around...
 Eventually, people noticed me and in due time, interacted with me. Through a mix of word of mouth and people I keep seeing often, my presence was being known over time.
 It felt nice. For once, I felt like I was part of a community that wasn't my own and it was a great feeling to feel. 
 The blue hair lady was right for nicknaming me the "Little Protag". Gahhhhhhh, it makes me gush to see that nickname! Stop!
 All was peaceful and things seemed to be going better... However...
 [The Darkness Returns With Interest - The Mind Labyrinth Born]
 In due time though, the deadline approached. I failed my objective with finding the root cause of my depression because I chose to find ways to live around it by socializing with people. To which it seemed like it was really working out...
It took form and it gave me so much grief that a whole month of March 2023 was dedicated to it. All hands were on deck on this matter.
 All the negative thoughts have fully surfaced. It overwhelmed me so much that I mostly laid there motionless.
 In the heat of it all, I made a confession.
 "I just put myself last. I don't even think about myself anymore."
 My body ran out of steam and it broke down completely. The only thing I could do was cry about it. No more desensitizing gimmicks here. No more running away. I either face it off and win, or lose and stay like that. I've ended up being really sad in public lobbies that I ended up often being in a corner by myself. Eventually, stranger and friend alike slowly gathered around to hear me out when they can.
 Several friends have did their best to reach out to me, but I was unfortunately in a very deep and dark head space that made me freeze over.
 At one point, I took a break from that world and went to a Soft Space, alone. I stumbled upon a Shenhe character who saw I wasn't feeling well, and offered me to be next to them. I ended up crawling over and resting my head on her lap. I told her everything I was facing and told me, "Not to worry, because as long as you don't end your story. You can still continue to the next chapter. You seem like you don't want to give up, yet you're very hurt about what life has to offer you. I'll hold you for a while, it is the least I can do."
 The Shenhe was right, but I sat my thoughts down with it until I had the energy to sit back up. I ended up getting a lot of fresh air and kept my body moving to shake away the sadness for about a month. It paid off well and I was calm down of all those events that transpired.
 After that moment, it gave me the desire to want to push back those negative feelings and fight for my life internally at that point. 
 In order to do this, I've basically messaged everyone close to me who usually expects messages from me often that I'm stepping down in a social capacity and end up walking off to the sunset myself after those events of March 2023, leading into April.
 [The Rebirth of Critical Hit]
 For the remainder of the last couple of months, I ended up wandering around aimlessly in brand new worlds, brand new places, where I am a complete stranger. I've had days where I did not make any new friends, but I've at least had some interesting conversations. I've even met people who even though we had a really great conversations, I've met a small handful who did speak up and say they're not interested in making new friends... To that, it did feel a bit sad to hear. But I respect their decision and still let them know that their conversation is nice. And wish them well.
 Whenever I end up meeting someone new who was really chill to talk to, and end up getting along well. I did feel better about that.
 In due time, I've met even more unique people, eventually getting a band of people to play Monster Hunter Rise. 
 Several miracles have happened and people who I haven't seen in months or years end up returning to see me or message me directly. I have caught up to their life stories. But the most important person to note is a lady who introduces their persona as a RGB like haired witch who I've simply helped out with their PC build several years ago who always had an interest in keeping in touch the entire time. It is lovely hearing that they've taken on streaming these days. Quite affectionate and a tsundere at that.
 There were also a couple of heart to heart moments of being told how much of an impact I made, and how much people do care about me...
 Before you know it... I'm entirely convinced now that for my entire lifetime, today's now the day that I can finally believe in myself in the fullest, put my head up and finally see things where I am on the side that has the greener grass.
 Rather... My entire life was a test of my own resolve. How far was I willing to go to reach out to people blindly and talk to them, knowing full well that not everyone will be there forever. It feels very sad thinking about that, but it is the reality of it all.
 At the same time... I no longer need to always think of the pros and cons with everything.
 I should... Just let things happen. I shouldn't doubt or question every single thing under the sun anymore unless it is a big concern.
 There were so many misconceptions I've made about the way society works when it comes to socializing with people on a social based platform... And those misconceptions were mostly because I took into account of only observing people from a distance. 
 I never took into account of what happens when I get involved with other people with my own personality, presence, thought, and the actions I do towards other people. 
 That is when my perceived thoughts about how people work get thrown out of the window... 
 Because I really... Am a somebody... 
 No... Not just somebody...
 I have the ability to change the world by just being myself.
 ================================================================================================================
 /Critical's Research On Self/ - Part II of the Journal
 Disclaimer: I'm not a licensed therapist. This is based off my personal experience.
 Let's get this one out of the way first.
 [An Update on Coming To Terms With Myself]
 Back when the March 2023 madness ended, I ended up on an earlier journal write about "Coming To Terms With Myself" (pastebin.com/7BCTxuVR) writing a checklist of what I wanted to do, as well as reviewed all of my entries at the time of writing.
 - Life is what you make it to be.
- Only you can determine when you're really ready to take that next step.
- There are some difficult truths to take in and I need to let them go.
- I still have fundamental flaws I have to work on... But it's okay that I'm not a perfect person and I'm not going to let that be a reason to restrict me from interacting with other people.
- It is okay to take extra time to hang out with people you're interested in, and actually start joining them more often. 
- Allow myself to be more vulnerable. 
- Keep and maintain my ideal values.
- Utilize my personal group more in case I don't feel as well.
- Do my best to set dedicated time to joining on other people or certain individuals at least once a week.
- Do my best to set times and ask to hang out with other people
- Move my mindset back to simplifying the difference between work and play
- Find and distinguish a group of people that enable the ability to have deep and meaningful conversations.
- Make a clear status if I need help, I'll make myself open for communication.
- During social interaction, keep it simple and focus on enjoying the moment. If anything more grows out of it, then just go for it.
- Expand and rotate areas where I meet new people
- The most important part for myself: Focus on the present and live in the present in terms of who is physically there for you right now.
 The great news is, I have successfully cleared all of them. 
 What I could do better is try to ask more people to hang out with me. And naturally, continue to iron out my flaws when they present themselves. To never forget that people care about me, I made a follow up Journal Entry to that, called "When in Actuality, the Genuine Warmth from Others Became The Kingdom To My Heart" (pastebin.com/qeJDSSFu) which were based off what other people have told about me. I occasionally look back into this when I need a pick me up, but I know that could only carry me so much.
 Alright, now back to the main presentation.
 [Critical's Perception of Socializing]
 By interacting with people over a longer duration of time, I've came up with several theories on how social interaction works:
 /The List of Common Patterns of Who People Talk To/
 First thing to state is this: If people show up in a public setting that is made to socialize in, the person should be open to having a conversation. Also, peoples' mood along with how their day went will dictate if they are open to talk to others in a general capacity or be selective about it. Let's assume the individual is open to talk in any capacity.
 1) There are certain automatic needs, wildcard topics or interactions where if these are triggered, the individual will be compelled to stay longer than usual to stay around and are guaranteed to have future conversations and follow up interactions. 
 *Note that there are some people out there who are very reserved and can only talk if you initiate the conversation first in a respectful manner. The automatic need will already be fulfilled by simply talking.
 2) People have an internal list of people they prefer seeing such as partners and best friends. If those individuals are available, they will be heavily in favor of people they prefer seeing.
3) People have a limited capacity of how many friends they can keep in touch with. Anymore and it can be overwhelming enough that their social battery gets drained and no longer want to interact with new people. They will still interact with people they prefer seeing or they end up having some alone time to recharge depending on the person.
4) Likewise, people also have a limited amount of roles to fulfill. If for example, they already have an established friend group, a group for their hobbies, a partner to love, and their pet dog to take care of, then the chance of someone to open up to keep in touch with someone newer will reduce to almost zero, even with repeat meetups on good terms.
5) How people determine who they want to talk to can be a mix of impulse and arranging time with other people. If people really stand out and want to get to know the person more, they will likely try to initiate conversation and ask to try and meet up at a particular time. Or even visit them. 
6) The more things people have in common will give you a good chance of seeing the same person more often.
7) The better first impression you create will give you the best chance of seeing the same person more often. 
8) There will be some people who only specifically want to be with people around certain common group or demographics, and if you do not fit into them, you will have a harder time OR it will not be possible to interact with certain individuals.
9) There will be some people who if you cross a subject matter or action deemed as a blacklist, you will automatically not interact with the individual anymore. 
10) The inverse tends to hold true, where if you perform an action or talk about a subject matter deemed as a whitelist, you will befriend the individual quickly at the least, and more at most if positive interactions continue to happen.
11) Conversations that tend to be more open minded or aligned on the same page that empower the entire group to feel like they matter in a conversation will generate having the best time, which will result in the majority of the people in that conversation to likely meet each other again or note that they are people worth their time to talk to in the future.
 /The Likeability Factor/
 Note: This can be in a fandom (ex: supporting a creator), platonic or a romantic way.
 A) Having an established connection or a strong word of mouth in a positive manner will amplify people who like to be around you.
B) Having a recognizable and unique name will amplify people who like to be around you.
C) Becoming a known regular will amplify people who like to be around you.
D) Having a particular personality type, appearance, and beliefs that someone is looking for will sway someone to heavily like someone.
E) Being there for an individual through a very tough situation (and handled successfully) will sway someone to heavily like someone, and in addition will return the favor.
F) Empathizing with the individual in a very reassuring, soothing matter will sway someone to heavily like someone, and trust that individual with future discussions. Repeated positive outcomes tend to potentially form romantic relationships, but not guaranteed.
G) Following up with individuals after a discussion or providing positive feedback will make someone appreciate more and likely to reciprocate back reaching out to you.
H) Providing a highly sought out hobby or talent that's been done really well and sharing it to other people will heavily get you noticed and liked.
I) Providing a certain aura that is distinct and strong that aligns with people will attract having more conversations with people in general. 
J) Providing something unique or quirky to the table that is well received will heavily influence others to be with you.
K) Performing a very thoughtful or sweet gesture with good intentions will get someone to notice you and will react positively. 
L) Performing a flirt will get someone to REALLY notice you, but the stakes are much higher and if done incorrectly then it will be shamed on. 
 Note on K & L: Context is the biggest factor to having those particular interactions be successful. If that particular action feels dedicated and meaningful to the other person will dictate if it is a likeable, and if it is to an extremely great magnitude. If the action seems irrational, ill intent, or if the person is uncomfortable with the action... Then the action will be heavily disregarded and avoided.
 [The Post Mortem of the Logic Based Depression - What It Means To Me]
 That list is extremely important to write out from before because these are the root causes of what made me feel sad and in despair:
 2) People have a limited capacity of how many friends they can keep in touch with.
3) Likewise, people also have a limited amount of roles to fulfill. 
 Because while it can hold true, the two of them together became a deadly combination that ended up spiraling me downhill and caused me to become discouraged to interact with people often, to reach out to people through DMs often, to even join a lobby and end up being by myself.
 The unfortunate part is, it took me up until just recently to realize the whole picture. 
 The way the socializing world has been perceived by me has heavily been skewed by those two points that I ended up not giving myself a chance to try and talk to people more often or be at my best. By having most of my life in the physical world be nothing but studying and working as a consequence, has made me assume that only people who are extremely successful or wealthy in the physical world have the ability to pick their partner and friends. Until I was able to talk to people myself on my own terms, that was the assumption I held. Which while there is some truth to that assumption, the fortunate part is not everyone thinks that way.
 In addition to that, I had these following beliefs about myself that prolonged my issues:
 - If I can not solve the personal issues I've had on my own, I don't deserve anything else until I resolve it.
- If I can not save myself right now, then I would rather give the rest of my energy to people I care about and let them be happy all while not talking about myself at all.
- I end up excusing myself pre-emptively and running away from everyone when there is an overwhelming force of emotions that I can not explain.
- I end up being stuck in a loop where there is a need to 'consistently get better everyday or else if I don't achieve it, I don't allow myself to consider anything positive that has happened in that day and only focus on the negative'.
 There were several occasions where the amount of pressure and anxiety from not being able to fully resolve my personal issues made me want to disappear online completely. Fortunately, people from all platforms where I've been on ranging from the MMORPGs I've played to Discord have intervened and assured me not to go.
 How did I come to these beliefs? Because I've been progressing with my professional life well, therefore higher expectations are placed onto me. While that is the expectation with the work force, it shouldn't be the expectation with personal and social moments. In turn, it caused me to be extremely harsh and hard on myself to the point even my own staff spoke up about it and said to stop over on my Discord server. Very rarely and occasionally that my own work place gives me time off or tell me not to come in. I do pull those odd 12 hour shifts and the infamous working over 24 hours on a Thanksgiving Day.
 There is a certain attribute about me that is neither good, nor bad:
 - My body reacts fight or flight when it gets anxious or sad to the point it desensitizes me.
 You could argue this kind of psych is useful to have when it comes to the work force and be often come out as a winner. In a social context, that can vary. Things like being able to move on from other people, it works. But when my body tends to do this often, the biggest side effect is really waking up and feeling like nothing. Which is technically a symptom of depression. For me in my situation, it can detach me to the point that I end up losing my personality in the process. Or the spark in my voice, if you will...
 However in this desensitized state, I can interestingly enough be able to help more people and become a Mediator of sorts when hearing out on various issues people present. Or focus on a task very well.
 But being in that state for so long, it can lead me into a lack of purpose and ends up downplaying everything about myself. It turns me into an NPC character. And in turn, it makes me aimlessly wander around. I end up not initiating anything unless someone reaches out to me first. You could say it explains a lot on why I do not initially approach people right away when joining a lobby with friends in it. 
 There are certain attributes about me that I did not deem concerning, but made people worry about me or bonk my head:
 - Working overtime often.
- Making self-deprecative jokes about myself.
- Join a lobby with mutual friends in a public lobby and wander off somewhere.
 I will say in due time, I eventually get around and interact with others. But those jokes are part of my DNA, that one's not going to be easy to tame. 
 [The Most Controversial Take On Myself Ever]
 I'll let you all respectfully disagree with me on this matter, because I will say some choice words about myself.
 I can say at the very least that this form of depression in itself, is a manifestation of the perception of what you feel that you lack or are missing. Which that in itself is bad, but to pair it up with not having a purpose to live is very dangerous. I urge that if you or someone else feels about that, to simply let them know that as long as you're alive, you can at least do something with the time you have remaining. 
 However, the few people I tried to reach out to early on in my life told me 'this is not a big deal, you are lucky you have a roof over your head', or get punished for being sad, that a man needs to get over it and keep working. So, I exactly did that and neglected me. Which manifested to seeing myself and my body more as a tool, a means to achieve goals. And not see me as an entity, a personality, a person that people cheer for when they see me.
 You see... This mistake has costed me a whole decade of my life. I can never get that time back. By the time I fully felt relieved of what plagued me and got around to working on myself, the entire world moved on...
 It means I've missed out on a lot of social opportunities because of how difficult I was being on myself.
 You could say I'm stepping forward to let you all know on a personal level, I let myself down for letting that get to me for such a long time. A big mistake, if you will.
 I'M SUCH A HUGE LOSER! WHY DID IT GO ON FOR SO LONG! DAMN IT!
 I consider that portion of my life as a big failure on my end for letting those feelings get to me to the point that I felt discouraged to want to get better. Because I thought to myself, "If that's all people see me as... Then I guess I should just remove my personality and soul so I can become the greatest worker ever." 
 The funny part is... That kind of happened on several occasions. In the form of desensitizing my mind to the point that I almost became numb to everything. That I end up just being in a lobby and I end up staring deep into space. If left alone for a few minutes or more, I end up being deep in thought and from there, I'm under the mercy of what my mind has to present me. The best I can do when those moments happen is to endure them.
 The purpose of writing this particular entry is to let you all know me on a deeper level, and to make sure that if someone starts thinking similar thoughts like me, please reach out to them immediately and let people know that you care, even if you can't answer everything they say or it seems like you're not doing a thing. Being listened to can make a difference.
 It's rather impressive that despite these burdens I've held... I still choose to live my life wanting to be with people, despite knowing full well what my issues are. 
 However... I refuse to end this negatively. I still want to leave at least something nice...
 [The Mindset That Became Peaceful]
 There is a quote I say to certain individuals. "A strong bond is an eternal bond". I like to be thankful of every great encounter that allowed me to be closer to people, that I got to learn more about interacting with people, that there are some things that you will need in a person in order for serious relationships to work. Even then, when interacting with people, the only thing I focus on is trying to have a good time and talk about things that are enjoyable or worth exploring. If the interaction is good, then good enough for me. If I make a new friend for that, even better. If a date happens because of it, I uh... er...
 I-I'M NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE! YOU WILL NOT GET ANYMORE WORDS ON THIS MATTER, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! (●´⌓`●)
 Anyway, with how I thought people work on a social scale, the biggest factor that becomes a wildcard are two things:
 - The actions that I take
- The actions the recipient does in response to my actions 
 Because two different people performing the same action, surprisingly, will get different results. It even boils down to the tone or voice you use. What the other person chooses to do in response can be surprising at times because while I've stated what determines people to like you, peoples' emotions and tendencies change all the time so people end up making exceptions and decide to add another person into their life. Occasionally, people who I've met a ton but were always hanging out in their usual spots eventually open up to the idea to become friends. 
 And let's say even if you happen to see the individual several times while being in public lobbies. By treating people well, it in turn leaves positive reviews about you as a person and talk about you highly on an impulse. To which ends up having more people open up to talk to you. 
 What all these theories don't say at the end of the day, is how the person replies to you. Because every person is unique, you'll really get different responses and reactions every time, and that you can truly never know if someone likes being around you in what kind of context until you ask them questions and get to know them more. Not all people will be straightforward about their feelings because it is as some people say, they're afraid of losing you as a friend or making things awkward... Because not everyone has the capacity to handle being liked or loved for a variety of reasons.
 I was not even aware about the amount of people that join in on me on some days, eventually having couple or several people join on me in one wave, which got some people interesting enough, intimidated to approach me because I have a group that hang out with me until I end up approaching those individuals, and they say it themselves as well. But I assure them that I enjoy talking in general so they do not need to feel that way. 
 Of all the things I've listed in those theories of mine, I was often confused and hard on myself on why people like being around me. Even when I asked them directly... Simply because at the time I had self-confidence issues so I assumed people say this simply to be nice. But when that feedback is consistent and persistent that spans across several years... Well, that's a whole different story. And I've started to believe it now that is the case. Even though I had all these awful feelings within me, the one thing I worked hard for is the desire to want to hang out and relax.
 Conveniently enough, almost all of the reasons under /The Likeability Factor/ and re-reading that... That makes a lot of sense. I just had to list all the reasons I think would like someone and well, I got myself! A gotcha moment on my end. Hah hah hah...
 I feel liberated knowing that getting to know people, and still keeping touch with people that I love really helps out a lot. That, and opening myself up more to being affectionate also helps a lot. If anything... I was always affectionate, but I tend to keep things minimal on first encounters and knowing boundaries. Yes, boundaries are important... 
 So yeah... You know. After all this writing, I feel content with what I've wrote. 
 I'm likely going to get some very concerning message after writing this, but it is the honest truth to how I feel. By finishing reading this from start to finish, I'll acknowledge and thank you personally for taking a decent amount of your time reading all this.
 I feel great after writing this, it was a much needed time to write this all out as it took several days.
 Do enjoy the rest of your day, and I'll be around on Blue alongside always active with Discord. Don't hesitate to reach out to me anytime now.