Pasted

Entropic Arc
 The End of a Saga (Part 1) - https://pastebin.com/9w27Erq7 (August 23, 2022)
The Road to Finding Inner Peace Within Myself (Part 2) - https://pastebin.com/rXaQxdwR (Sept. 25, 2022)
The Time Dilation Effect (Part 3) - https://pastebin.com/AAa2iAxa (Oct. 12, 2022)
The Ultimate Sacrifice (Part 4) - https://pastebin.com/SvbkA8FC (Oct. 24, 2022)
The Nomad's Guide to the Digital Life (Part 5) - https://pastebin.com/S21MY4pN (Nov. 9, 2022)
 Grand Sky Arc
 Dawn of a Stoic, Holistic, Intimate, Empathetic Hero (Dec. 6, 2022) - https://pastebin.com/7FSs02ZK
Love is a Physiological Motivator, Not An Emotion Nor Object (Jan 22, 2023) - https://pastebin.com/0tdqg0Jb
Being Near and Dear (Feb 2, 2023) - https://pastebin.com/frZCb4q7
All While Being Far and Discarded in Thoughts (Mar 8, 2023) - https://pastebin.com/Gtk5ShFj
That Ends With the Mind Becoming The Labyrinth That Nobody Finished (Mar 16, 2023) [Current]
 Mind Labyrinth Arc
 ...
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 I would of imagined that this is a mere mood swing that would fade away in due time, but it seems to only have escalated. In a span of over two weeks, I've been declining further with my emotional and mental state to the point that the people closest to me have been worried sick about me. Even people who have visited me on repeat slowly over time have been visiting me less often, and I don't blame them for it.
 There's also been a consistent feeling of whenever I do work, I feel down about it or grow anxious or have my mind deep dive those said subjects such as the meaning of life on its own accord. That in turn gets my mind to overtime build a lot of pressure which eventually turns into an anxiety attack of sorts. Which I later on eventually find a quiet place to relax. There were a couple days where I end up having to cry to myself for an hour or so before I'm able to function stably again. 
 For at the end of the day, peoples' times are precious and they will gravitate to people they enjoy being around or love being around. Even when people have offered to listen to me and I take it, most people end up not saying much, comforting me, that things will magically be okay. Or believe in some sort of God or higher being for more power, or things of that nature...
 Those things couldn't be further from the truth. If anything, it upsets me greatly. I'd rather hear answers that are realistic to the situation, and not be filled with prayers and hope. I don't want to be looked down at by my friends anymore or feel like I'm a liability holing them back from making their lives better. 
 So I've decided on the most difficult thing I have to do, and that is to put myself out there yet again, and face through the vast ocean of strangers yet again, but with a twist....
 On VRChat, I will consistently be on red and truly put myself out there with strangers only, and do my best to work with what I'm given. I can't afford to make anymore people see me in this state and to consistently make people worried with people that care about me. I only wish for my friends to continue living their life and be with people they really enjoy. It's honestly not fair to add my issues on top of their already growing plate of issues they also face.
 So moving forward, I'm going to have to take care of myself in my own way. Anyone that has been especially close to me, recommend not seeing me for a while. I can't stop you if you decide to want to see me or leave me a message. It is also because the people close to me, I'm aware that all of you have your own battles to fight. But I assure you that all of you also have people that really care about you, that actually get you, that will do whatever it takes to be there. You have people that will stick there for you through thick and thin. You even have people that you intend on dating or going to date, and I will say congratulations when you get there, or you're already there. 
 Life's really too short to worry about one individual person who at the end of the day, it is really a "me issue". 
 Unfortunately for me, life has gotten to the best of all of my friends. And as much as they've all offered, I've also seen them all falter. But I know a fair share of you have amazing friends that surround you whether it's other content creators, people you voice act with, role play with, play games with. Heck even host events on a weekly basis. And I've seen you all bounce back relatively quickly. So as long as you have each other, that's all I care about. I've even came across someone from an old group and saw her friends having fun. So I simply told her, "Hey, you all got each other. Enjoy every single second of it. That'll make me happy. We may rarely see each other but it's all I care about that the people I've interacted with are doing well, even if I only see you guys in the wild."
 I'll be mean (and I'll be honest), but I have none of that. Doesn't help that I work a full time job so most of the day's gone. The things I want to do are really niche, so the best I can do is ramble or talk a storm. I've even lost that drive to captivate people like I used to do, and as a result I'll end up wandering about like an NPC. I do at least enjoy the ambiance of random people talking.
 I've severely underestimated how deep my mind can go, and I know for a fact that my mind is so self-aware about all facets of life that almost nothing cheers me up. I've been told by people that they even love me several times, and it doesn't even phase me. This is why I said to a few of you, "Am I really a heartless monster if I loss the capacity to love?".
 You could say that the me you've all met from the beginning of 2023 is like a completely different person you met compared to the me now in March. What used to be filled with life that draws people in, is now an abandoned building that feels cold and quite desolate. 
 The last thing I will do moving forward when writing my future entries is I'll be writing away my raw thoughts and feelings as they are. 
 This will be a selfish request, and you don't have to do this. But please enjoy the rest of your life without me. 
 I'm writing myself off as dead internally until I fully face myself, and conquer myself yet again. I literally have nothing inside of me, almost as if that same personality that drives people to be happier, to vibe more, it's just gone right now. And the only thing I can do really, is cry about it alone because it really affects me the most.
 Now, if you wish to speak against anything I've said in this entry, then message me at your convenience. I know even without me saying this, there will be people who will read this and will be extremely upset by this decision. And I'll admit I can be in the wrong, but I've mostly made up my mind. 
 As for everyone else, if you have nothing else to say...
 Then I'll take my leave in silence, and to myself. That is all...