Pasted

Entropic Arc
 The End of a Saga (Part 1) - https://pastebin.com/9w27Erq7 (August 23, 2022)
The Road to Finding Inner Peace Within Myself (Part 2) - https://pastebin.com/rXaQxdwR (Sept. 25, 2022)
The Time Dilation Effect (Part 3) - https://pastebin.com/AAa2iAxa (Oct. 12, 2022)
The Ultimate Sacrifice (Part 4) - https://pastebin.com/SvbkA8FC (Oct. 24, 2022)
The Nomad's Guide to the Digital Life (Part 5) - https://pastebin.com/S21MY4pN (Nov. 9, 2022)
 Grand Sky Arc
 Dawn of a Stoic, Holistic, Intimate, Empathetic Hero (Dec. 6, 2022) - https://pastebin.com/7FSs02ZK
Love is a Physiological Motivator, Not An Emotion Nor Object (Jan 22, 2023) - https://pastebin.com/0tdqg0Jb
Being Near and Dear (Feb 2, 2023) - https://pastebin.com/frZCb4q7
All While Being Far and Discarded in Thoughts (Mar 8, 2023) - https://pastebin.com/Gtk5ShFj
That Ends With the Mind Becoming The Labyrinth That Nobody Finished (Mar 16, 2023) - https://pastebin.com/XSzGRnkw
 Mind Labyrinth Arc
 DESPAIR (Mar 17, 2023) - https://pastebin.com/jMxTdzUj
UNDESERVING (Mar 18, 2023) - [CURRENT]
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 People work their best and work on things that they want to achieve and accomplish, no matter the odds.
I have made those odds and bested them in the real world when it came to work.
On a personal level, it is hard to say. When I've hit a major milestone on that aspect, it seems that I've actually did it, I've come far, and I do feel very empowered to continue that trajectory.
 It makes me feel great to see the rest of my friends carry on to their next chapters of their lives, find new discoveries, new love interests, new friends, achieve many great feats. It makes me rest easy knowing that all the people I've helped can sustain themselves between their loved ones and their group of friends. Rather, a network of people they can reach out to if any falter, everyone can rely on themselves.
 Though as for myself... I've always been a wanderer, I've been a loner for the longest time I can recount. So I don't get that same joy I get being grouped with other people. My mind is hard wired that I should never create attachment to people, because I have yet to resolve all of me. 
 But just like with life, when it throws a curveball, it messes up a lot of people. Especially when you least expect it. 
 The biggest journey with my entire life is myself. I am a firm believer that you should have as much of yourself set up in order in order to pursue other aspect of life. And I've had seasons where I've been on top of that. But because I notice a trend in e having these hard months where I feel down each time, these cycles just get harder to go through the next time I'm down. For many people that I've discussed with, a simple person that will be there for them in a best friend or romantic way tends to be where a lot of peoples' happiness came from.
 I've experienced those moments a small handful of times, my mind is very self-realized of that concept of what its like to have the process of getting to know the person more. To start developing feelings and to love. Therefore, I don't feel as better or happy when I come across those moments. I have yet to come across a person who is very thoughtful that can bounce ideas with my mindset. Perhaps that's the kind of person I need the most or so I'd think. But life does surprise me when I meet certain individuals' and their personalities being something quite unique that I will instead really adore or like.
 Since I'm labeled as someone smart or intelligent, that should mean I should have the ability to tackle just about any issues that are thrown at me. Unfortunately, the one issue that has eluded me is myself.
 I've been given many suggestions, which just about all I've explored with. And at the end of it all, I've come to determine that my particular thought process... Is going to be something I'll have to resolve on my own. 
 I'm really alone with these thoughts I have. It makes me feel like some weird alien with a rare disease that nobody can really do or say. It upsets me that I'm just so far gone with my situation with my own mind that the only lead I got is to follow what my mind is giving me.
 It's still such a conflicting feeling that I still want to be around people in a general capacity, but no longer take the lead. To observe people interact with each other seems to keep my mind occupied enough that it sates me. However, if people directly interact with me now is a new feature. In the past I used to be so eager and want to talk to other people. Now however, I end up feeling as if I'm about to bring a dis-service by having my eyes water from anxiety. Especially if the person approaching me is someone that is close to me or a really good friend. It makes me feel like a disappointment because I haven't been well since the last time I've seen them. 
 As long as there's a memory of me of that person and I've given them an amazing experience prior, I feel I've lost.  I've came across my fair share of people that want to offer their support, and I appreciate that. Though I am more than aware that time is limited. In the back of my mind, I know that my own mind is more intricate than I anticipated, so I end up trying my best to summarize how I feel in the moment and leave it there in most instances. It's not like in most peoples' cases when I hear out on their issues it's a matter of trying to get over with someone or coming to terms with the events regarding to certain drama that may of happened and it's a matter of the passage of time happening. I know that with my headspace, time is against me in a sense that the longer my mind is this way, the more it'll pull me down and make me continue to think of negative thoughts. Yet the best option I have is to just let those feelings out, express it in writing, and if I need to shout or yell or cry, then I'll just let myself do so. There's no sense in bottling things up, and I'll go ahead and take the heat from people who oppose my feelings and hear them complain about "Wow just get over it these people are faking their feelings on a social space how dare they! Why are you so sad just go date someone ez pz lmao."
 If anything, hearing stuff like that makes it a more hostile place to talk or express your honest feelings because there's attached shame and shunning people for simply not being well. It's almost as if the moment you're not feeling well, you're considered 'out of service' to society in general. A lot of people will seek people for their looks or their voice, or someone with high talent. But if nobody has any of those, then as you know it, you're already are behind the curve in general. 
 There's just not much left for most people. It is why people try to connect online. It's the idea that there is something out there for someone that makes being online feel nice. It is a celebration of being able to speak your mind and that's that. What online lacks in physical space, makes up for it in terms of the wider scope of what are the possibilities of the kind of people out there. This idea right here is the remaining element that makes me want to continue to move forward day by day. 
 However, if I can not overcome myself and can't solve my issues right now... Then should I have the right to be surrounded by the wonderful people around me? In my opinion, no. Because I was raised that as long as the job is finished and that a proper solution is set in stone. Then compensation should be rewarded. 
 I have resolved the battle of my mind before and I ended up enjoying myself this time around. However, right now I am stuck with what seems to be a really large road block that may prevent me from fully enjoying what life has to offer. So in that regard, I can't afford to let anyone else step in front of me and get run over by this monstrosity that is my own mindset. This ultra hyper realistic viewpoint of life, that everyone has a limited shelf life before they eventually move on. 
 The idea of helping others always fascinates me, yet when it comes to me helping myself, "I should" honestly know better what my issue is, yet I can't just overcome it. I rather let the solution be something of my own will because those kind of solutions are much more longer lasting than crying about it to a friend or loved one. I've been told that we are only human, that there are limits to when you should face these feelings alone. But as long as people drift apart to pursue other things in their lives, I should not indulge being with people too close or too fondly because I know I'll end up being needy. Those feelings I know are usually shunned by other people so I just lock that up unless people are willing to do so.
 Yet with the idea of helping others, I never expect anything in return. On average, small talk usually happens after that help is given, then I set them off as they go see their friend group or loved ones. It's a cool idea to realize that at that moment, you did make a difference with giving a decent conversation. But I know in due time, life moves on like a dust being blown away by the wind. The idea of growing attached to others over time because they've understood you or you could relate to, that is a very strong tool for being closer to people, and the process is enjoyable because both people feel great at the end of the day. What sets me apart really is that I've conditioned myself to never expect anything back from anyone regardless of what I've done. I choose the actions I do because I personally want what's around me to be just a bit better. I'm fatigued by the way society is currently trending. If you're not chasing for fame, fortune, glory, getting the guy or girl, or money, then it seems that you're going to be out of the loop. There seems to be no room to talk about your feelings anymore. And a lot of people need that sort of thing... 
 I know that if I take a while to recover, or if I no longer have the capacity to be happy myself... Then I want to at least make sure that the people around me know that they can be happy through other means. 
 I may be undeserving of the right to be happy because I failed big time in resolving my own mental battle. I'm a defect in that category...
 But that doesn't mean that you, reading this should suffer the same fate I am. You're better than this. You have a much simpler mental framework that all you really likely need out of life is a decent job, and someone that loves you.
 I lost even that ability to be happy over that and I still fail to resolve my current battle.
 Therefore, I am undeserving of all the pleasantries and joys life has to offer me.