[Introduction] As of writing this, it’s been a couple months since I’ve been in the Twitch landscape. And also warming back up to being in the virtual world a bit more often. I can say at the least that the community feeling is there. I understand a bit more what Adler is saying, but I realized also that you can only go so far with past knowledge that this new landscape in 2026 and probably moving forward has changed significantly ever since the digital world has brought us many ways of bringing us close together. More nuances if you will. For example, if you run a popular Discord server or stream a consequence of that will be the huge emphasis of one person. Each streamer, group, or entity they all become the main character of their own space. That is not to say that your self and identity can contribute to any given third place. It’s that by default you are surrendering yourself to the idea that you are one of the members of a collective place. * Act I - The Alchemy of Community * [The Twitch Side] I thought to myself, “Huh, well since I have a large Discord server and I feel the need to take a break from the spotlight, let’s go ahead and see what that experience is like to be in the presence of a place where it is not my own.” I have sent an application to help a very sweet friend’s Twitch stream two years ago. I did not get to hear back a word of it so I used that opportunity to live out my own life. Flash forward to around July of this year and I got approached about how life’s going for me, but then the application was brought up. “Wait what?! I sent that thing two years ago certainly a lot has changed.” “Well, you’re on the top of the list in mind of who I’d bring along! Would you like to be a Moderator? ;^;” I froze for a bit and I was in the middle of the saga of where I was working around 12 hours a day at my current job. But I thought long and hard for the next 10 minutes. Sure, I can be busy, but honestly I took the position because I wanted to expand my horizon some more and actively participate in a third place that already has an existing community. How would I integrate into it, and what unique perspectives could I bring to the table to enhance the current community. I can safely say two months later, I have made a fair share of contributions and I feel confident in saying that I’m glad I can help those fellow Starlites with a new personality to interact on the front end, and making strategic decisions on the backend while working with a team. It’s an experience I cherish personally. With the thanks of her and her group, I also had the time to meet the entire group and it’s nice they all have their own personalities that makes it feel personable and engaging. It hits different when you have a group of 10~30 viewers or smaller versus the larger audiences of 100+ or even 1000+ on Twitch. I’m even surprised that there’s a whole audience of osu players who are genuinely chill to be around. I had my reservations dwelling into Twitch long term because I really had nobody small or a friend I know well that does Twitch that I want to support. But ever since that box got checked, I have seen Twitch in a whole new light and there are genuinely kind people out there. Granted a lot of folks now are VTubers, I still focus on the personality over everything else. [The VRChat Side] Meanwhile in this landscape, what surprises me more are the returning acquaintances or friends who end up reaching out to me despite how long it has been since we last saw each other. There was one person who even was genuinely kind to me in a Zenless map who we were acquainted before but hadn’t seen each other in a while. I proceeded to rant about work and caught up with how life’s been. Showed that I had Face Tracking gear and all that. At the end of it all, she offered a hug and I took it. And we became acquaintances to friends so whenever we are in the same place, we will go out of our way to talk to each other. We definitely relate with a lot of wandering and world hopping. But I know we can count on always catching up and talking about our experiences. There’s another person who I see a bit less often, but what’s sweet of her is that when I do say goodbye, she is very energetic, says her goodbyes but wishes to see me again sometime. I said sure why not. [The Rechargeable Battery Analogy] Moments like these are the reason why I slowly warm up and perhaps I feel like I do have a heart after all… (Key word: Feel like, we’ll get into that later). But it is definitely a group effort to be able to maintain that sense of warmth and genuine kindness. It’s kinda like giving a portion of your rechargeable battery of positivity to another person so they can also be relieved and have their days become a bit better. And people do it in different ways. Some people use humor to make someone’s day. Some people use kindness. Some people know how to cheer another person up. Or perhaps extend a genuinely deep conversation to a stranger. I particularly say a rechargeable battery for two reasons: The first reason is that this is a resource that can regenerate itself over time. In this case, the lithium material made in rechargeable batteries. The second reason is that it requires another person to install the battery onto a device. In this case, the person themselves. [The Concern of the Streaming and the Friend Group Spaces] I suppose you can say if someone is lonely enough with no floor of reality, this is the biggest culprit of parasocial behavior from my experience. By just simply watching that person from a distance whether it is a stream or just people socializing with each other with no intention of getting to know the person deeper, it can dive further into making a strong connection and can possibly make grand levels of imagination on what it feels like to be part of the group. Where it gets to the point of a concern is replacing that as the primary driver for social interaction. Trying as hard as I might, I can’t really form that sort of connection. I feel the need to at least let people be aware that I do exist and nothing more than that. I used to have the issue of people pleasing or trying to find anything I have in common with someone just because being their rank as a ‘friend’ feels good. But I realize the me of the past did not realize what the actual genuine feeling and intention of what it meant to be more involved with someone’s life. That was almost a decade ago. So, I threw those old fundamentals away because that would no longer work with present day Crit. So, what do I end up doing to have the courage to just put myself out there with a bunch of strangers online? [Critical Hit’s Theory of Social Relativity] Ah we are so back with the nerdy naming schemes. I would have named it initially to “Critical Hit’s Social Relativity Theorem”. However, a theorem is a mathematics concept that needs to be proven with relative and objective facts. I can not call it that since this is more of an observation, and a theory at that. If I were to have a short hand summary of “Critical Hit’s Theory of Social Relativity”? It is this: “People will choose to socialize with others when they feel they can make any familiar connection and have the bandwidth to do so.” The familiar connection can be sharing the same interests, sharing the same mutual friends, or even down to relating to the conversation at hand. The bandwidth (often the most undercooked, but most important one) is if that person is available to have a conversation in general. Even more so if it is someone completely new with no mutual contacts shared. This is generally where the execution of the actual conversation can determine that bandwidth. [The Backend Calculation of Social Relativity - (Feel free to skip this, this is raw data)] Always keep the following in mind: Nothing is guaranteed. This is assuming two people start off as complete strangers. Let’s start with the hard truths I’ve observed throughout my time socializing. /Near Zero Percent Chance/ Bandwidth Disqualifier #1: If the individual in question is with a significant other (by friendship or romantic), it is a near zero possibility to be open to the idea of socializing with someone new. The reason being is those who are with a couple or the one bestie they are with, they will have a very positive bias on that individual. This would make it hard to befriend the individual. *However*, treat both of them with kindness and you may be friends with one of them, or both in due time. Bandwidth Disqualifier #2: They are not available to talk or have limited capacity to do so in a general sense. Bandwidth Disqualifier #3: They are waiting on someone else to talk to and they’re only here because they are bored enough to want filler conversation to fill the void. Bandwidth Disqualifier #4: The way the conversation was executed was too awkward on either side. Familiar Disqualifier #1: Both sides views on serious discussions are the complete opposite and both sides can not have a mature conversation on their differences. Familiar Disqualifier #2: Both sides are on completely different walks of life and only one side does not want to interact or can’t find a way to relate or ask questions about it. Familiar Disqualifier #3: One side is not comfortable after getting to know the other person’s background. Familiar Disqualifier #4: Bad reputation. /Generally Well Received Category/ When you provide a personality that people can get along with? You’ll end up at the least appear to be more approachable and it can influence people opening up to you later down the line. When you provide a social space that people are enabled to be themselves more? It makes it a lot easier for either side to initiate or add to a conversation. When you share more common interests and both sides can passionately talk about them together? That tends to be almost guaranteed they will likely become a friend. When you share more mutual friends, to someone who is easily influenced by a friend group, you may become their friend a lot easier. When you provide a very handy skill or are a well known person in the space that can make good content, you will likely gain more attention. However, how many of those will actually genuinely get to know you as a friend versus being added to a ‘friend list’ as a shortcut to access communication with you for just your skills is something to be wary of. Giving gratitude towards someone depending on the timing and reason, it is a good feeling to leave behind for the other person, and it can definitely be remembered more favorably to the point they will remember you as a strong acquaintance. It sometimes can lead to friendship. Now how does the Theory of Social Relativity apply to me? * Act II - The Bane of Familiar Connections * [The Other Side of Schrödinger's Crit] Actually… I literally break my own Theory of Social Relativity as the me of today. This is simply because I am way too self-aware. And I appear stoic and just do my own thing constantly. The true test I give everyone (and yes, even to the person who is reading this) is really this: I present myself sitting there nonchalantly existing in a given space. I’ll attentively listen to your conversation. I will nod. But I won’t say a word unless you address me by name. By default, I have a blank canvas. If I am not interacted with, I remain a blank canvas. Now, this is where things get interesting. Should anyone attempt to interact with me, that blank canvas becomes a mirror in terms of energy and I will reply back in kind. This is probably my biggest reason how my network ends up being very wide despite me being with people who are completely different from who I am as a person. Yet somehow… Having an open mind and letting people talk about what they want is considered “chill and a nice person!”. I’m happy for them that they see me in that light, but it feels like it undermines who I am as a person because most people only know me for that and nothing more. That’s kind of sad now that I think about it. The person initiating a conversation always has the risk of making a given conversation awkward. I understand why not everyone initiates. Though I used to initiate a conversation a lot more because the novelty of reaching out to people felt nice. But when many people did not reciprocate that back or I find they’re avoiding me. I realized there was a limit to how eager someone can be talking to someone. So I had to fundamentally tear that down unfortunately as too many people ruined that side of me. What I advocate for more these days, is I want people to choose who they want to be closer to or be friends with on their own terms. Without being influenced, pressured, manipulated, or feel obligated too because you’re co-workers or colleagues. The one question I will eventually ask everyone who get past the acquaintance stage is, “Why did you choose me?”. And fortunately, just about most of the people are confident in answering that question. If you’re not confident in answering that question, I will actually decline your friend request. It’s a common habit I noticed in a fair share of people that they are people pleasers in the sense that they have the urge or tendency to be nice and will do just about any request for you. But they don’t even request anything for themselves. I don’t want another generation of people pleasers, I want people to be themselves. It’s more than fine if not everyone you meet automatically become friends. On the other hand, there are genuinely interesting people that are nice to have conversation wise and I do extend and offer to hang out again or talk another time. Not everyone takes up on that offer and I do respect it. Most people don’t respond to that question so I assume the solid answer is a no. Though more often than not, it would be the “Yeah see you soon!”. It leaves room to eventually see each other again when our own schedules line up, and I’m cool with that. Though it’s very interesting to see the people you were interested in seeing again don’t show up as much as the people you did not expect to see again do show up. I believe I’ve had more meetings with acquaintances lately than most of the regulars. That just how it tends to go when you grow to not have much of a preference in who you see as much considering most of the time I’ve been asked by name is to actually solve a tech related problem, listen in to some favor, or the “Oh I know a guy who uses Face Tracking come here come here!” (And yeah I’m genuinely entertained people like to call me over to demo product, I am a tech enthusiast after all). Therein lies the million dollar question to ask myself… [What is My Identity, Exactly? Why is it that way? How do you operate as a person?] I’ve spent a fair share in solitude the last couple of months just to only think about my own voice, and nothing more. The one identity I could throw out right off the gate is a stoic. And from the outside in a professional setting I usually do not show my emotions at work and just get the job done. It would make that particular action a stoic. I know internally I can express my feelings a lot. The issue would be who. Without a main person to confide in, I feel that me writing these entries is the best way I can express myself without any remorse or guilt. What I do know is that I’m a Wanderer on a good day, and any other day a Drifter. For those who are working towards getting to know me more? I start out as a blank canvas but as you leave your mark, there will definitely be different parts of me that will be revealed depending on if you ask any questions about me or if the environment is a good place to talk about myself. Those that do not ask anything about me, well I actually will say nothing about myself. What makes me a Wanderer? I’m curious enough to want to see all sorts of people on my own. What kind of people are out there. Listen to people talk just about anything. More often than not, I do learn through context clues what kind of lives they live, their hardships, as well as But at the same time with how I usually drift from place to place online and only focus on just me existing and nothing more… I’m aware it will result me in not making long term friendship or the like. That’s where I feel I provide something unique to the table. Long as you’re willing to talk, I offer unconditional acquaintanceship. I’ll join in and match the similar vibe the room has to give. I can also offer more than that but I leave it up to the individual to personally seek that out. What makes me a Drifter? Ah that’s the easier question to answer (but I realized I did not really explain this part in any of my previous Crit blogs). I treat all social interactions like it is iron man mode. A rogue lite. While in a previous entry over a year ago has explained how I interact with people in detail, I can summarize it for 2026. This is how I operate as a Drifter: Unless the other person specifically wants to seek me out and talk to me again, then otherwise I will assume those individuals are not interested in keeping touch with me long term. I used to reach out to people and initiated conversations for the last decade. While I certainly learned more about how to socialize with people, it did hurt to know a fundamental truth is not everyone you meet will want to have you in their life in general. I believe the duality of living as a Wanderer and a Drifter alongside being rejected a lot in many ways… It has resulted me in the losing that spark to initiate conversations with people much more often. Worse off… I’ve lost… [Losing The Familiar Feeling of the Warmth attached to a “Friend”] Perhaps it is part my own doing because of how many people I end up meeting online. Or… I am just very self aware after many long hours of being by myself reflecting back on my thoughts thus far. This is it, for those that have been reading for the long haul. This is the dreaded word right there that has plagued me for a couple years now. From my observation, this seems mostly true but I know the top three reasons why people would reach out to me privately are: A) To ask for a favor B) To need help with tech related issues C) To share a link or image After that, we usually go our own way. I’ll admit, I’m so used to any of the above three and it was all demonstrated through other peoples’ actions that Well… My body just… Kind of adapted and my mind and body said, “Providing knowledge is mostly my purpose with just about everyone I met so… Maybe I’m not made to make friends with anyone.” I’m sorry if the last sentence I wrote made you tear up or cry. Take your time if that’s the case… I can’t really cry about it because I’m honestly past that point so I’ll continue to explain. You see, it is not the ability to socialize long enough to make connections to extend a friendship that is the problem. I just can't generate that feeling on my own. It would have to come from the other person who specifically calls me out and wants me to be their friend is my only saving grace and my main way to identify who is a friend to me. I 'used' to be able to have this feeling and can enact on that at least a decade ago. The best I can do is offer people if they wish to see me again they can reach out to me and leave it at that. And for most of you on a technicality, you may call this a friend right here. My mind logically can't quantify that no matter how you spin it. After experiencing and meeting a fair share of people, the ones that I can feel a friend is brewing is specifically all the previous interactions with that specific *warmth* in the way they intend to approach me and want to be there for me without even saying a word. Those are the people I'm more impressed with. The ones that can choose who they want into their lives. That begs the question... Why did I lose this ability to choose people into my life? And at a glance, it honestly makes me feel like I fundamentally lost a core function that is required for me to socialize with other people at a reasonable pace. I've also lost... [Losing the Concept of Choosing Long Term with People] It took me a while to figure this one out and I accepted that this is only time that will end up becoming my best retrospective. This is about a whole decade later and I have finally figured it out. So, with my core value in terms of what I believe in. My biggest core value is letting other people have autonomy to choose their own lives and have the right to be with who they want to be. AKA - I call it "Freedom". It's been a core value that I idolized, believed in, worshipped even. Anyone that can be genuinely be themselves without much pressure were people I ended up enjoying getting to know more. Even if some of those people have vastly different core values and beliefs. It's that they were able to communicate strongly in general without the need for filters. Little did I know that just like in Physics, every belief you do have objectively has positives and negatives. There is a sense of kinetic energy to stick to what you believe in and do not compromise yourself as a person. That is not to say in long term relationships, there is naturally a give and take with some level or degree of compromising. It shouldn't be to the cost of changing yourself entirely as a person just to cater to them... Because fundamentally, this is about two people's lives intertwined. I have that freedom to be myself and do as I please because I do not have any obligation to be with anyone. Because I followed that core value for just about my entire life, there was an unintended consequence to that core concept of "Freedom". That consequence was dished out in the form of having an infinite loop of wandering around and meeting new people constantly to the point that I lost nearly all semblance of what it is like to be close to someone. Believe me when I've said, I've tried to even get closer to people in the process the last decade and it did not pan out all that well. Not because major mistakes were made, but from my perception: I just didn't really stand out enough towards other people to make them stay attracted for long. Yeah, that definitely hurts big time. I get it. But at least I did the best I can for them and just about everyone is still in talking terms. So I at least can feel relieved knowing that I did my best communicating. However, I can not say that in terms of reaching out to other people. There's two different ratings I'll give myself to that. If it is in regard to respecting people's boundaries? I'd say I did just about a stellar job and the rare occasion or two it was crossed? I immediately owned up to it and let them know it won't happen again. If it is in regard to reaching out to people more often? It's a failing grade really. It's just... Throughout my entire life living, I was really only told or had conversations with only when I did something wrong or constructive criticism. I did not really get to have small talk or genuine conversations as much. When I looked around myself in a general public, I do see that people are having fun talking in the moment and I envied that sensation. And for the longest time, I really was terrible with making any conversation. When I was younger, I was the socially awkward person. I got made fun of a lot. It turns out that I haven't really found people I've clicked well with. Anime and online culture was not that strong at all outside of the Anime Club at my high school... So you definitely had strange looks if you told someone you like anime. And even then, that younger self was very smart as he had senses of knowing when he overstayed his welcome or knew he wasn't liked. So he ends up just walking away to avoid confrontation. If he couldn't avoid confrontation, he would just let them say whatever awful words at him and he'd just take it and then walk away after. I've went to talk to many friends who have had partners, observed how they interacted, then I get curious at times about how they first met, how they ended up falling in love and so on. Each person gave a different answer but the most common thread was that 'it just clicked' naturally. That only ends up with me being more concerned about myself and that devastating quote I told myself before in this entry... I'll bring it back again, right now: “Providing knowledge is mostly my purpose with just about everyone I met so… Maybe I’m not made to make friends with anyone.” It starts to make it feel like it extends more than just being friends at that point. This is probably the point where I ended up breaking down just about every quarter when I have a good first impression. Then things just fade away or fizzle out. Whether it is due to the passing of time or life just happens. Honestly, the best I can do is to control my reaction to those who are no longer present today... * Act III - Facing the New Reality of Being Alone * [How do I now live my life, knowing what I've experienced and written today?...] The good news is for now, there's at least a work life balance of the normal 40 hours so I've had time to really iron this out, write this all down and put it out there. I'll be extremely honest here: There is no morale to this story. There is no lessons learned. It's just that... I am living in my own life and I realize that not everyone has the happy ending they were looking for. So people will fight as hard as they can with their life to turn nothing into something tangible that is remotely positive into their life. I have told several of you the importance of a third space such as the Discord server you're reading this from. The average human is required to have this third space because as humans, we chase for that sense of relatability, to belong somewhere, to interact with people in a given community that is outside the closed circle of close friends, loved ones, and family. When those needs are all fulfilled, according to the account of many people they all tell me they're happy with who they have in their lives and enjoy it for what it is, despite the awful people they've met in the past. When that gets all cleared up, they do praise everyone positive that impacted them in their lives. It's a beautiful thing to hear... Very much so... What happens when you come across a guy who just exists in a community, makes some random commentary or a funny joke here and there. Then get back to sitting down and continuing to exist. No more words mentioned. No exchanges. He just sits there on his own corner. He will definitely interact with you if you call him by name and will reciprocate the energy and topics of the conversations you give him. But when all is said and done, he goes back to staying silent and acknowledges that he had fun having a conversation with you. And leaves it at that. It's pretty much me in every single instance of a social space I've been in. Of my entire time living my life, it has taught me one thing that's specific to myself: "The secret of happiness is this: let your interest be as wide as possible and let your reactions to the things and persons who interest you be as far as possible friendly rather than hostile." - Bertrand Russel However, with my current flaws on who I am as a person... This quote can only carry myself so far. I recognize that current quote is not enough. If life were that easy, then that quote would of satisfied me in whole. But unfortunately it did not... I needed more than just that quote... I should also on top of that existing quote above, tell myself this: "There are just going to be people out there who will have a strong first impression and you may click well with. However, it is a safe assumption to establish early on that nobody owes you their time. They have a life to live too! They have obligations to fulfill! They have a social circle of people they really like to be around that took months or years to develop! Committed relationships to be in! AND YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE IF YOU JUST SHOWED UP OUT OF THE BLUE IN A PUBLIC SPACE!... The world is large. The world is scary. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I AM DOING TALKING TO PEOPLE ALL I DO IS YAP! If you don't know who is actually there for you and let alone... Lose the feeling of making new connections on your own? That's fine, people will go out of their way to find you. All you need to do is just exist in a public place. And definitely interact in that space when you find something that catches your attention. Just don't stay in one place for too long if nothing happens or you've been treated poorly. But if you lost all hope and energy, then just exist somewhere... " - Critical Hit, 9/26/2026 9:30 PM (CST) I've come to the decision that the social flaws I have, are deep-seeded in nature and it is not going to be cured at all. Instead, I need to work around these flaws. The best solution I got that appears to be working well for all of you, is that I simply live in the moment. Enjoy the moment for what it is. But I no longer hold the expectation of anyone to be close to me to save myself from disappointment, rejection, and to keep me level headed so I don't make grand illusions of assuming I feel close to anyone. But to instead trust the people who do interact with me are doing so in good terms and to continue with the good vibes. Definitely ask if anyone is attempting to get serious with me as well. As I've learned that situationships are a thing from a couple of people... Not a good thing to have from the sounds of it, but it exists... There is a sense of liberation to know that in a third place, the only thing you're really responsible for is keeping the atmosphere chill and at peace to enable more conversations with people. And in the grand scheme of things, when more people are able to talk to each other freely with good intentions, that's where everyone in the respective community wins. I can unfortunately not say the same for myself as I am way too self-aware of everything that goes around me. Knowing all the social cues I know now, it feels like I've read a guide on how social interaction works and I can't really unsee this anymore. It just... Really feels hard to enjoy being in social spaces now with all this knowledge burdened in my mind and having a very sharp awareness of how people's emotions and intents are in their mind but... Hey I'm going to keep trying anyway and just simply be... Me.