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[Pre-Cursor]
 There are a couple of pieces I've wrote about various topics that will be referred. You are not required to read these pieces but it is additional context of what I'll write. Those will be lengthy reads on their own: 
 "The Nomad's Guide to the Digital World (2022)" explains how I browse around public spaces. And this entry will be the sequel to this.
 "Love Is A Physiological Motivator, Not An Emotion Nor Object (2022)" and "A Critical Perspective on Romance & Relationships (2023)" will mainly cover the whole relationship aspect in full detail that I still mainly agree with.
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 [Intro]
 It feels exciting in the moment when you have the whole world ahead of you. You can choose what you finally want to do with your life.
 But there's several catches to this lifestyle:
 You're completely on your own.
The remaining friends you've had are all experiencing life and going their own separate ways.
You're not in a relationship.
You only got the public space to socialize with people.
 With all that combination in mind, it can be seen as two different things:
 A) It's the most exciting part of your life that is filled with opportunities alongside a profound level of freedom to where you can 100% choose what you want to do. You no longer have to consult other people on your choices.
B) It's the most terrifying part of your life and it makes you feel empty thinking of this concept. The idea of going home by yourself, sleeping by yourself, and waking up by yourself day after day drains you and leaves you hollow.
 I feel both of those, usually at the same time. When things work well, it feels amazing. And if nothing much happens or worse, then it can feel awful.
 I'll personally explain how I feel in those heat of the moment with those thoughts, alongside the process of doing such a lifestyle.
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 [What is a Critical Hit Social Experience entail exactly?]
 Let's lay down the fundamentals. How do I operate really as a person on a social level?
 The biggest traits I could say about myself are the following:
 /My free time outside of work, is really a first-come first-serve basis. And for newer friends, I give a grace period of a week if they leave an additional way to contact them (such as texting, Discord, etc.)/
 What that means is this: I have an open door policy for people to message me just about anything in DM directly. 
 /I am demi-, grey-, and recipro-romantic/sexual./
 This means I rarely feel attraction. 
 When I do feel it, it would be because I get along really well with that person as a friend AND I would need to be confessed to first. This particular combination I'd say, is a deadly combination that I personally don't wish on anyone else to have. It has often left the emotional wounds to keep bleeding if you will. I end up resolving that temporarily by letting myself know to always look forward to another day and keep on meeting people anyway. 
 Fortunately, I have identified this in full and come to terms that it is how I exactly operate.
 At the end of the day, I always put myself first and focus on pursuing my own activities that help me feel better even if there is no guarantee on what kind of people I'll meet and who ends up sticking around for the long haul.
 /I do not assume anyone likes me unless they tell me directly otherwise. I also am active with boundaries unless the other person gives consent or gives it otherwise./
 This has saved me a lot of hassle. If I sit there and look at you like an NPC. That's just me being mindful and focusing on the conversation at hand. Yes, as much as I like affection, I will still be reserved because you never know what the individual's preference is on close contact.
 /My End Goal for Socializing Is: Creating an Environment Where I'll Always Be At Home/
 While The Phantom Thieves and The F1 Server has done this for my first leg of the journey (Spanning 7 and 5 years old respectfully). That server has ended up inspiring many regulars to pursue their own journeys. 
 That being said, when the prime time was over for those servers, I ended up pivoting more to socializing with other people on my own time. That's where the other MMORPGs and VRChat came along.
 If I happen to find a significant other, hey that's nice. But I'm no longer putting that as a goal. Let alone, something to constantly desire for or chase. 
 A lot of people in public lobbies question me at first alongside my track record of being ~95% single in my entire lifetime so far.
 I come to realize that those kind of intimate relationships are best left for letting them happen organically and when both sides are ready for it. Nothing is worse than rushing into that sort of relationship without having the foundation set up. There is also a fundamental value of having friends who are different from you, that will support you in your life and can have insight that you have not experienced. Having all that knowledge on everything in life and professions is too much to handle for one person. It's why there are people out there who specialize or major in certain tasks. 
 I genuinely like to socialize with all sorts of people, and leave it up to them to reach out if and when they want to hang out with me. To me, I see that as the ultimate truth and a way for others to practice communicating. If you do desire something a lot, it's better to speak up and say something about it than hold it in. And naturally be prepared if not everyone takes up on that offer. 
 /By Default, I Do Not Talk About Myself in Most Instances Unless Asked/ 
 It's been my social policy to always go with the flow on what the other person is currently talking. However, if nothing is said and I have the initiative, then I will provide surface level conversations and examine their bio to find anything in common. Use it as a conversation topic and work from there. 
 I'll only mention parts of myself if the conversation happens to relate to me in a way that's not too deep or emotionally taxing for myself or others. And I'll simply ask if I'm not sure. More often than not, I usually don't bring up those subjects often at first.
 /While I am non-chalant with my social interactions, I have my moments of having my interests in someone pique or rise up./
 You can say if we had a graph, it's a w-shaped. It tends to peak when I first meet someone, after a month's worth of hanging out with someone, and then after at least a year's worth of knowing someone it can either be really high, or it can flatline.
 I dub this social phenomenon of mine the "1-1-1-1" Rule based on my experiences. But your mileage may vary.
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 [1-1-1-1 Rule]
 It takes 1 day to figure out if you really gel well with the person you talk to in the moment.
It takes 1 week to figure out if you really desire to continue keeping in touch with that individual naturally.
It takes 1 month to figure out if you feel that you can have a long term friendship.
It may take up to 1 year to determine if that individual can blossom to an intimate relationship. 
 Time is definitely the biggest factor that can't be avoided. 
 As much as you may front load someone you really enjoy the first couple days, there also needs to be time spent on other people or alone time. The individuals themselves need time to grow and level up with their lives. 
 The other reason for having time to yourself is: Your body generating that desire to like being around a person is really the key here. There always needs to be a period of mindful rest or having some me-time to wind down and sort out the experiences you've been through. Determine what you want more of and what you want less off. And continue on to tomorrow. Now if things are going according to plan, you may not need as much me-time to think about it. But if a series of awful events has happened, then having this me-time is a must to be able to reflect and hone in on those issues to at least be at a state where you can talk about it to someone you trust with more structure. 
 *Note: This is based on my own experience and your mileage may vary. Not everyone needs to spend a long period of time to determine if one likes someone or not. This works well for people who are lacking emotion or feeling such as myself.
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 I needed this [1-1-1-1 Rule] system in place to combat my biggest weakness: My apathy and my lack of generating the ability to develop any form of likeness. It can be entirely possible that I'm not an easy person to generate those feelings. But I can still enjoy the concept of their company to develop a, "Hey I wouldn't mind hanging out with them again" and leave an offer to hang out another time. Saying that quote myself ended up landing a romantic relationship down the line following this model which was the very first person I went out with on the VRC platform. It's quite unorthodox only because the individual is the kind of person that is a patient person that time did not really separate us. It is genuinely a nice feeling when it happens, don't get me wrong. But meeting extraordinary people for me like that is definitely a one-in-a-million chance. It's why I prefaced this before that I'll end up having a lot more time for myself to come and the genuinely wholesome surprises are what gets me the most.  
 With the amount of new people I meet as well as the amount of people I don't get to see equal out and balance, I respect other peoples' boundaries and their space. I'll occasionally ask or leave a message just to check up on others but if they are not intent on wanting to hang out or are constantly busy. I leave those individuals be and let them find me on their own time instead. 
 Now, there are exceptions where people have pierced through my barrier and were direct towards me anyway about how they genuinely like me. For those people who did do so, I'll always care for them and love them regardless. Because those people had the courage and the time to tell me this. 
 There are other unexpected curveballs such as a returning friend after them being absent for a few months and end up clicking even more than expected.
 I'll always practice showing interest by setting up plans or reminding people that we can try "x-y-z" activities. However, if they do not reply or not take up on that offer, that time gets recycled into meeting or hanging out with random people instead. This feeling is like going fishing and waiting on the next big catch. You set up for the moment that you're ready to pull the next catch and act on it.
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 [The Data: What Worked Well For Me]
 Let me leave some anecdotal notes on my observations on my lifetime spent living most of my social life on public lobbies and instances over the course of thousands of instances throughout the course of 5 years:
 The most success in meeting long term friendships or people I got along with well came from: 
 SuRoom (Second Half of 2024) - Users who are mostly overseas but run in cute Booth avatars. 
The Great Pug (2023~First Half of 2024) - Users who were open to talk 
Cafe LeBlanc from Persona 5 & Running Group Instances of The Phantom Thieves (2023 - Present)- Common Interest with a Video Game Franchise 
Diluc's Tavern (Sept 2022 ~ June 2023) - Common Interest with a Video Game Franchise, a couple of flings happened here and there. But nothing major developed here.
VRChat New Years' Events (2021~2023)
Midnight Rooftop (2020~2022) - Ended up meeting a partner this method very unexpectedly so that spanned over the course of many months.
Winter Company (2020~2022)
Room of the Rain (2019) 
 The least success in meeting long term friendships or people I get along with well came from: 
 The Black Cat (Almost Always)
Midnight Rooftop (2023 - Current) - It is decent to talk to people in this lobby provided you join in mature lobbies.
 The Best Pick-Up and Talk to Whoever Lobbies: 
 Midnight Rooftop  
Popcorn Palace - Talk and React to whatever's on the screen.
 The Best Long Term Community Lobbies: 
 Any Gaming or Franchise Lobby 
The Great Pug 
 If You Want Chaos:
 The Black Cat 
 The most success within having a conversation comes from: 
 When someone is by themselves and has something interesting about them (bio, avatar, etc.)
When a group is in a conversation that I'm interested in general 
When I am feeling like a funny, witty guy and can make something entertaining out of the conversation.
 The least success within having a conversation comes from:
 When I am not having a good day in my mind and end up being quiet by default, hanging out to myself.
 The wildcard conversations comes from:
 Me sleeping in a public instance. 
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 [The Confrontation: My Dark Side of the Nomadic Life]
 /Lots of Spare Time to My Thoughts/ 
 It all begins with the simple concept of because I have almost all the time in the world to my own thoughts. For as sharp as my mind is and guiding others to the right direction on my professional abilities and my personal life. People getting what they're looking for and sending them off on their own...
 It leaves me quite vulnerable to my thoughts that generate on their own that do question, challenge, and belittle me of this path.
 /Starting and Ending the Day Alone/ 
 The most common one that hits me is not so much of a thought, but a feeling. That is sleeping, waking up alone or going on an hour or longer in a lobby without being able to say a word or find any conversation of interest in a public lobby (on top of no plans with others). All of those equally affect me negatively and it generates the feeling of loneliness. It sucks, yes, but it is an expected feeling. 
 Should this feeling persist, it would affect my thoughts and start to feel as if I don't really fit in in anywhere or discouraged to really say all that much. 
 However, if it still persists and it starts to drag towards the five day mark (or most of the week), it could tank further and end up spending that time to mostly myself. However, I will still be receptive of being able to hang out if it is offered to me. Fortunately though, having my own stuff to do on the side can keep those thoughts at bay for a while. It is not a long term solution, however. But it still helps at any rate. 
 /Relatability Factor Limited with Interpersonal Relationship Conversations/ 
 The next one on the agenda when hearing peoples' conversations, there are some conversations I can't personally relate with. That mainly being marriages, divorce and other traumatic topics. But I can always lend an ear and sympathize when things go bad, and cheer them on when they're having a great time. 
 /Being By Yourself and Interacting With Others in a Group/
 Those that tend to enter alone, most people are already on-guard because most people who cause issues early on tend to be by themselves. So first impressions is important to at least enter into a conversation with some grace or relatability on the topic at hand. Even if a conversation should go well, it is still not a guarantee. A prime example is if you made a new friend who is eager to talk to you, but their partner is very protective and gets jealous. That is going to be a cause for risk later down the line if the behavior is left unchecked. Though this tends to be more on the individual being immature about it than anything else even when you include everyone into your conversation. It's quite a dilemma.
 At that point, more often than not I would voice that concern and if it can't get resolved, I typically leave those people alone and still socialize with the rest of the group. Only replying to them when they talk to me to give respect to those boundaries. However, if they still can't be reasoned with after then I'll ignore them entirely. 
 There's also the other aspect where the group can potentially target you if they find something small about you that's funny. Such as your voice, your bio, your avatar, or anything of that nature to latch on and pick on. Though on my end since I am a male, that's a low risk for me. But a very high risk for anyone that is feminine sounding in a general sense. It doesn't have to be just a group but one person. 
 When viewed that way, the fear can be escalated quite high and it is a reason that most people prefer to settle down with a main friend group, partner and all that the moment they find those people. It's objectively a healthy thing to do and I root those people. It also decreases the count of finding like minded individuals as well if those people are no longer available to interact in a social lobby.
 This easily explains how and why on my end, things feel tiresome having to shift through a lot of instances to find decent people to talk to. It's a constant struggle, but it also makes the individual memories of each instance of meeting someone funny, cool, or genuinely sweet that much more impactful. 
 /Not Having A Preference to Hang Out With Anyone/
 This one is more on me, something personal if you will. Meeting a wave of new people time after time has dulled my excitement of meeting new people, but it still gives me the anticipation of when I finally meet the next chill person, it is quite a fresh of breath air that makes the conversation very desirable. Which happens few and far in between. That moment can cause friendships and desires of wanting to see the person again for another conversation. 
 But when you end up meeting and forming a lot of acquaintances, then the choice paralysis sets in and you don't know who else to really check up on or see. 
 The end result of this is that my mind now forms a habit of just hopping on the platform to immediately dive into a public instance as the first encounter. I view that as more positives on my end since it puts me in a position to look forward to having a conversation and not be stuck being negative on my own and do nothing about it. However, what I believe needs more work is finding that desire to join in on others more often, not being afraid to send more invites more often, and overall just enjoy what is in front of me when I do find a lobby that is decent to be in. 
 /Idle Thoughts About What Other People Are Doing/
 Some of the really awesome people I've met in my life, I haven't seen them in months or even a year+. I am certain I left with good impressions or memories. But with the constant cycle of people coming and going in life, it ends up leaving me with this thought at times:
 "Am I a person that's not really needed anymore to talk to or hang out with?"
 That thought does hit hard because the reality is as mentioned earlier, most of my life is still spent on my own. And while I do enjoy the times I work on my own projects, there's still a thought in the back of my mind that, "Hey, people found what they are looking for or doing what they love doing. And I'm genuinely glad for them. I wish to see them soon but it is what it is honestly." And get back to doing what I was doing. 
 /The Nature of Strangers and Acquaintances/
 Strangers and Acquaintances have a very limited time and the first time you meet them will likely be the last time you see them in a while (or in some cases, at all). 
 The structure of how to have said conversations, and what conversations to talk about exactly can be extremely limiting. A stranger and acquaintance have no obligation to hear about your personal thoughts or personal problems. Most people likely have already dealt with an awful day or week, and they are only here to relax casually. 
 However at the same time, talking about those sensitive topics to strangers and acquaintances that resonate well with you become friends. There's a risk and reward to that and it's all in the communication, execution and if they're willing to hear it out. 
 Where I stand though, I end up focusing on what the conversation is currently going on and join in whenever I have something of note to say that I feel is at least worthy of bringing to the discussion. Falls in line with the whole: "/By Default, I Do Not Talk About Myself in Most Instances Unless Asked/".
 It can be entirely possible that I don't feel connected with most people I meet in a given instance and at that point, this whole section can be thrown to the garbage can. The sooner I can identify those feelings, the better for me in the time saving sort of sense.
 /The Dark Abyss - The Empty Thoughts Leak In/ 
 This tends to be something I deal with every season, or sooner than that depending on what I face exactly. If I consistently have a good time hanging out with people, this feeling is not present at all. However, if I don't meet any meaningful people and left on my own for a long period of time, it tends to creep up on me and feed in negative thoughts that I know aren't true. However, because nobody is there to contest those thoughts, those thoughts tend to win by default and it gets me into a different level of sadness each time.
 I occasionally do reach out, but that also comes another point I'll have to make.
 /When Should I Reach Out To Others?/
 That's easily the million dollar question and that honestly depends on the person I'm talking to. Some are more than willing and can actually manage themselves. I thank those individuals for that. However, not everyone can handle those conversations well and on top of that, a lot of my friends lately are struggling with their own thing. So by default, I don't say much about my issues directly to them. I instead take it in a journal form as I'm doing so now and write about it. It helps me out a lot and it is my main method to have a good handle on myself. It alleviates mostly the need to talk to other people about my feelings. However, the ability to talk to other people one on one about how you feel and the other side being receptive is a very rare person to find on my end. Simply because topics about the meaning of life, being mostly a nomad socializing with other people. Not a lot of people even entertain those thoughts. 
 It's indeed the biggest contender for something I need to work on. I do a good job not saying much to other people with my issues because I'm never a fan of telling people about my downfall, even if they consent and encourage me to do so. I hear those people, but it still takes some time for me to warm up to this idea.
 /The Sad Truth: Why Do I Not Reach To Others.../
 You see, the origin behind this is I grew up my entire life expected to solve everyone's problems because I'm a Straight A person, I worked hard at everything I did do that was important to me such as classes and work. If I struggled, I was shamed for getting help. This resulted me in drilling in a "All-In or I'll Suffer By Myself Until I Resolve The Issue".
 This is objectively a very unhealthy trait that I will likely take to the grave...
 ... Because I'm not used to seeing other people suffer. I am used to suffering myself since I've had many years dealing with this. 
 It's why I've taken the roles of managing my own Discord Servers, managing a VRChat Group. As the leader, if I make a grave mistake and I can't fix it, then I will sink with the ship that I'm in. I see it as taking ownership to the things I do. 
 I'm honestly not used to the idea of other people reaching out to me and wanting to help me because well... I've dealt with most of my issues alone, by myself. I still do so to this day. 
 As you see though, this is a chain reaction that can result me in shutting down further and end up drifting by myself. It is a vulnerable spot within me that can grow quite cancerous. 
 When I see all the friends and people I got close to all smile because I did that, I want to keep it that way. It's an easy thing to do and give each person I come across the best time I can give them. However, if I am not asked how I'm doing, I will literally go on without mentioning anything about myself. That ends up combo-ing into the aspect of, "Hey, as long as the people I care about are doing their best, then I can finally be at ease and know that I left them a smile before going back to dealing with my own issues, my own emotions, my negative aspects of myself I want to work on." Objectively across the board, I have had many friends complain to me about a friend who is being extremely negative, perverse or desperate and end up overwhelming them, which ends up having a negative connotation. It makes me feel like I can't afford to let people I care about down and end up spilling my negative emotions and guts all over them, even with consent...
 It makes me feel weak to talk about my feelings. I despise this feeling of weakness, not being in complete control of how I feel. Yet at the same time, people need to talk about it to get it out of my chest and I do feel better allowing strangers and acquaintances to talk about their negative experiences, how they feel and end up thanking me in the process.
 ... It seems like I can't do the same with myself. It seems like I can never do that.
 Now that I think about it, this is probably the origin of why throughout my entire time of journaling, those negative feelings end up looping back. 
 And the answer is definitely clear: I should talk to someone about it, but the few times I had talked to someone about it, I left them speechless and not really reach out to me again.
 Remembering this aspect is why... I ended up choosing this path that I did. 
 And honestly, I'm glad I'm at least writing about it. I genuinely apologize if what you read is very devastating, but this is how I feel from the core of my being. 
 As I get wiser, I have an obligation and duty to help others as long as they are respectful about it. But my opportunities to make any mistake is almost shrunk down to a no-tolerance level. I feel that if I slip up on talking about how I am or how I feel to the wrong person, it'll alienate me. 
 That's why I only feel my most safest writing it here. For anyone who is willing to take in the burden I write.
 But until then, the number one way to counter this negative thought, is to keep living, and to keep my head up high with no expectations. But do my best to keep talking to people. Talking is the core skill I have that can allow me to connect with people. And I'll do my best to hold onto that.
 I just don't want to lose myself to this darkness again after spending a couple years writing these entries, reverting back and losing all this progress I've acquired. 
 Anyway... I am going to get up, shower up, relax, have a drink and drift off to a game or perhaps another public instance later on. 
 Don't be afraid to talk to others about how you feel is what I want to say to you that's reading this. But honestly, this applies to me much more... Heh.
 Alright, take care now.