Pasted

Meanwhile in the Deep Subspace of my conscious...
 It feels quite calm to allow myself to be washed away. You see, the viscosity of water allows you to have the simulation that you're flying. Except you're not. Your body allows yourself to be weightless and in a sense, relieves whatever stress ales you. 
 Right, I chose to be here on this river. That was my only way of moving forward in a metaphorical sense. 
 It seems that work will only pick back up so whichever free time I have remaining to spare, I'll just use it. When I found a dry patch of land to rest on, I went on ahead and took that spot.
 An old acquaintance of mine I came across some weeks ago mentioned to me that saying "moving on" has a negative connotation as if I have to move on from a breakup. So I should say, "moving forward" because moving forward allows you to come to terms with what has happened and you're focused instead on the situation at hand. That has honestly been the most helpful piece of information I've ever gathered. I consider him as someone meaningful to my life for being civil and had decent conversations, though he doesn't really remember me. And that's okay...
 I'm used to being forgotten.
 I'm used to having my DMs go quiet.
I'm used to having people be busy.
I'm used to people cancelling plans on me.
I'm used to being told people prefer spending other time with someone else.
I'm used to people dropping on by to tell me "they are bored" until someone else they're waiting on shows up.
I'm used to sitting there by myself in a crowd of people.
 At the end of the day, it is their life. I accept that.
So, I have every right to choose the way I live my life and continue moving forward to see what else is out there.
 Within the last month or so alone, there have been more people across the board have been telling me about relationship conversations. Whether they were complete strangers, people closest to me or anything in between. Mostly in the realm of relationship issues, ex-partners and all that... There seems to be more negatives under the pretext of being with the wrong person. Being with the wrong person can make someone feel quite jaded, afraid to open themselves up in the future with trust issues, or they don't feel like being heartbroken again. I've seen people become so desperate they want to be with someone after a breakup that they throw away just about a lot of standards to get what they want. 
 I can see why now. I really don't blame those people... I have said this to several people who spoken up on the matter but love is like MSG to your fried rice in the Chinese takeout restaurants. It is an ingredient that is commonly used their to make their fried rice taste good. With that being said, with love, everything feels really amazing in the moment that it can overpower even the sense of logic and common sense. It is how people can easily be taken advantage of and get mistreated. It's an awful thing to see and experience it second hand from other people. I personally have no tolerance to those things and I cut people off right away. But that's only for me because I find it easy in my situation given how rare I get involved with those kind of romantic relationships and I spent so much time on myself that I can make decisions that benefit me on my own.
 More people can easily relate to the "other person being the problem." Sometimes, that in itself is the trigger to how new romantic relationships form. But when it comes to someone dealing with their own issues because the person themselves is the issue that's not related to substance abuse or addiction?... Those people tend to be left to fend for themselves alone.
 It is an interesting concept that on a biological sort of sense, people crave the social interaction and the fondness of someone so familiar to want a significant other to such an intense degree that people can actually feel miserable without it. Though there's a quote that a lot of people would say that I would immediately dismiss:
 "Love will find itself! There's someone out there for everyone."
 Instead, what I personally tell people who bring the subject of relationships instead is:
 "You should be with a person that compliments your life. If you can't find the right person then just do what you want to do. It's not worth waiting around. You should tell people that you're interested in hanging out with them more. And only reciprocate that when people do so. You see, people are all living their lives and want to pursue their hobbies, careers, other friends and loved ones. Saying that stuff above is only going to set you up for disappointment and will re-enforce a cynical loop of you feeling lonely if you lack the self control of those kinds of emotions."
 Anyway, I feel like I've rambled about this topic long enough and I should move forward just as I've said it myself. Alright then, let's do this... 
 Huh, I can't help but notice some sort of event is going on huh. Might as well go kill some time and see what this was about.
 Some time later, I've came across an attraction of sorts. A play huh. You know, I haven't been to one of those in a while. I might as well check it out. Let's see here... The sign says currently playing "Noland the Brave". It's open but there's not really anyone else. Must be a slow day, but at least the next time slot will be in a couple of minutes. Time to settle down and find a seat.
 ========================================================================
 There was once a boy who used to be afraid of everything and his entire surroundings. He wanted to change that because it was draining him. So what he ended up doing was taking the first steps to going outside. When he got on top of a sandy hill, he proclaimed and shouted out loud in the open vast sky:
 "I am Noland, and I want to be brave. So I will become Noland the Brave! I will keep moving forward no matter what!"
 For a while, he got into the rhythm of being able to explore on his own and the experiences were vast and bountiful. But as much as he was able to go out and explore, there was something missing.
 "It would be nice if I get to have some company while I did so."
 Then he realized that he did not know how to socialize with other people at all. It never crossed his mind. Tried as he might, his attempts of muttering a hello, or waving, were a hit or miss. But before he knew it, he felt extremely anxious because he was very conscious about what other people think of him. This ended up bothering him for a while.
 Though eventually, he finally made his first friend. Another guy just like him. And for as much as they could, they used to hang out as often as they can. There were other guys to hang out with but they were more or less acquaintances. The typical games of playing tag and other classics that one could imagine. It was until one day, his friend eventually had to move. And soon after, so did he. 
 The feeling of his first goodbye to his first friend he made. Noland ended up passing out over the thought of what it was like to lose someone. It overwhelmed his body as he sank there in bed, almost as if he had a coma.
 Quite humiliating from Noland's perspective that he was not being so brave. But this feeling of loss is a perplexing thought that he tried his best to distract himself and kept spending time with his hobbies.
 As Noland grew and went to school, he had the exciting feeling of meeting new people. But that similar cycle happened again with people being on the move or even being in different curriculums, Noland started feeling anguish again about the lost. But this time, he took a deep breath. "No, I must be brave. I promised myself!" 
 He went through the adolescence phases of liking someone that did not like him back. The reverse even happened.
But on occasion, he ended up bonding with a lady he ended up liking... Unfortunately distance took hold yet again. Noland felt hopeful that their friend they used to crush on is doing well. But this time, he was a bit more prepared to know that people that aren't around the local area will end up having their own adventures.
 Noland did indeed get braver. But also, he grew the need and desire to want to help people he cares for. Noland knew that was one of the greatest joys he had in his life. That he was able to be kind to others. Because being kind to others usually gave him positive results.
 Noland went on to secondary school assuming that being kind to others would reward him something. It turns out, he was being too kind to the wrong people and it ended up him getting bullied and taken advantage of.
 "W-why are people like this... I thought people wanted to be happy and feel appreciated..."
 It seems in this world, people form cliques. There are social rules to follow. Trends to be on top of. Those that are on top of the social ladder or have an immense amount of wealth and connections tend to be invited to places more. It seems that just being kind alone has no effect on these people. While he made a small amount of acquaintances, Noland's bravery started to be questioned into play.
 Noland felt anxious about approaching people, feeling afraid he would be made fun of.
 "Maybe I should take things slow and start approaching people that seem nice!"
 There were a couple of people that seemed very friend, some even very sweet. He fumbled and tried his best to talk to men and women alike. He seems to be getting the hang of small talk. But he seldomly offered an opportunity to hang out after class. Most people ended up saying they were busy or already had plans. Which in turn, made Noland feel a bit discouraged after several attempts that were sprinkled in between everything else.
 It almost feels as for every genuine attempt he tried to socialize and interact with other people, and not really get to see them as often after. It's almost as if internally, he was losing a bit of himself.
 Noland lost that steam and that drive to initiate talking to other people... His heart was sinking quite heavily at this point. He was straying away from being brave.
 "No... I can't accept losing my bravery. It's... Maybe... Well, I'll just adapt, yeah. I can still do what I want but I'm going to assume everyone is busy and has something to do! Hah hah hah! Yeah, that's right! That's something I can at least agree with..."
 Though internally, his body is shivering, slowly losing his color and warmth. 
 Noland kept moving forward with this improvised mindset. What made it interesting was the times that people ended up talking to him for more than a couple of days, he was pleasantly surprised and felt certainly that they are close enough to have some friendship. There were only about three guys at the time he genuinely called them his friends since they were willing to hang out with him. He felt content with this commodore of men he can rely on.
 Noland did not stop there either, he even made it his goal to at least talk to a couple of women and befriended a couple of them. One of the ladies was really into Yggdra Union which opened his mind to the whole Strategy Turn-Based RPG. To which he eventually became into games such as Fire Emblem. The other was a really chill tomboy who just chilled out and was open to talking about anything under the sun. 
 "I'm doing it, I'm doing it! Being able to talk to people like this feels good. I'm feeling braver! Wah hah hah!" As Noland placed his hands on his sides, taking the position of a captain like stance.
 The unfortunate reality though is, yet again, the challenge of people moving on has yet struck him again. His senior, she ended up graduating and was no longer on the same bus ride. The tomboy ended up moving out too.
 Before he knew it, everyone else moved away to different places...
 He was all by himself. 
 It hurt Noland quite a bit, or it would of. But he found solace of the world wide web. While one can access an easy time talking to people, the unfortunate part is that people would drift even faster in this medium. 
 At this point though, the idea of already losing people he saw or met in person already broke his mind... It stung him. But he kept telling himself to "Be brave!". 
 Being brave, he did. Though, as time moved on... For each person he got close to platonically, for each person he got close to romantically... Unfortunately, almost the same people ended up moving on, disappearing without a trace, changed identities and being removed in the process with no explanation. There were some that said goodbye (with good or bad reasons) and also moved on without Noland.
 Noland finally collapsed as his entire shell of bravely has finally crumbled. "Is this it... Is nothing permanent anymore? Why does this hurt? Why can people just move on like that..." After grieving about the matter, he was able to get up and keep walking. Though at this point more of his color was fading away from his entire body. 
 Eventually, the last relationship where a lady ended up liking him, he ended up saying yes to dating her. Only for him to have traumatic flashbacks and Noland immediately called off the relationship the day after. Apologized profusely and ran off in tears.
 "No, I can't take this anymore! If everything is going to go away anyway, why should I bother with anything! I'm too hurt! I don't want to just be vulnerable and get close to people just so it'll be gone again!"
 Noland ended up running off in the dark, wallowing. The stage started getting dark.
 A couple of minutes later, the same figure that ran off in the dark came back in a dark hoodie and dark jeans, with their head pointed down.
 It seems that... This hooded figure is shaking its' head as it is denying that it is Noland. Is there a name this person prefers being called by?
 "I'm just a drifter." With the most hollow, somber voice. One can say it is quite soothing even despite the lack of energy. 
 The hooded figure still kept walking forward. But the main thing about this character is that any conversations they interacted with, it began with the bare minimum responses but ended up growing to more than that over time as this drifter ended up joining random conversations. The muscle memory of having conversations still persisted. The muscle memory of being able to read into people's emotions were there. 
 Every time, they asked the drifter, "Are you tired?". The drifter replied, "No" and did not elaborate it any further.
 For the longest time, the drifter got away with this as an acceptable explanation. 
 If anything, the drifter excelled in keeping other people entertained with their own conversations and topics that all they needed to do is continue feeding topic after topic. The people were ecstatic about them being heard. Some people were even a fan of the drifter's presence to the point they extended offers of f̵͕͍̣͈̙̖̩̖̬͓̘̋́̓͛̆͐̃͐̆̆͐̓́̃̚͜͜r̸̡̧̧̨͈̠͕̳͈̳̞͙̪̜̼͌̀͗͘̚ḯ̸̠͎̣͍̟̹̟̥͎̗̜̂̈́͋͑̈́̾́̐̆͜͝ę̸̯͓̲̤̦̻͖̮̩͖̙̽̿̅͂͘n̷̨̢͖͈̮̝͇͔̜͚̻̾̓̇̅̈́̀̓͌̀̔̌̕͜ḓ̵͎̜̫͍́̾̈́̇̇́͘ͅships. The drifter took it as an opportunity to talk more often, but upon hearing the word f̵͕͍̣͈̙̖̩̖̬͓̘̋́̓͛̆͐̃͐̆̆͐̓́̃̚͜͜r̸̡̧̧̨͈̠͕̳͈̳̞͙̪̜̼͌̀͗͘̚ḯ̸̠͎̣͍̟̹̟̥͎̗̜̂̈́͋͑̈́̾́̐̆͜͝ę̸̯͓̲̤̦̻͖̮̩͖̙̽̿̅͂͘n̷̨̢͖͈̮̝͇͔̜͚̻̾̓̇̅̈́̀̓͌̀̔̌̕͜ḓ̵͎̜̫͍́̾̈́̇̇́͘ͅ, white noise ended up filling the ambience almost as if that word was forbidden. What the drifter definitely knew is, having small talk leads to company. Company leads to more conversations. The drifter can accept that token, but they struggle to find another word for that. A much more simpler word.
 "I see, it seems that word is called f̵͕͍̣͈̙̖̩̖̬͓̘̋́̓͛̆͐̃͐̆̆͐̓́̃̚͜͜r̸̡̧̧̨͈̠͕̳͈̳̞͙̪̜̼͌̀͗͘̚ḯ̸̠͎̣͍̟̹̟̥͎̗̜̂̈́͋͑̈́̾́̐̆͜͝ę̸̯͓̲̤̦̻͖̮̩͖̙̽̿̅͂͘n̷̨̢͖͈̮̝͇͔̜͚̻̾̓̇̅̈́̀̓͌̀̔̌̕͜ḓ̵͎̜̫͍́̾̈́̇̇́͘ͅ"
 The drifter ended up clutching onto their chest, gasping for air. It seems for now, they decided to take a break with finding out what that word was. Besides, it felt decent to be able to pick up a conversation and go anytime. No strings attached.
 There were the very rare occasions that a person would be interested enough to approach this figure past a f̵͕͍̣͈̙̖̩̖̬͓̘̋́̓͛̆͐̃͐̆̆͐̓́̃̚͜͜r̸̡̧̧̨͈̠͕̳͈̳̞͙̪̜̼͌̀͗͘̚ḯ̸̠͎̣͍̟̹̟̥͎̗̜̂̈́͋͑̈́̾́̐̆͜͝ę̸̯͓̲̤̦̻͖̮̩͖̙̽̿̅͂͘n̷̨̢͖͈̮̝͇͔̜͚̻̾̓̇̅̈́̀̓͌̀̔̌̕͜ḓ̵͎̜̫͍́̾̈́̇̇́͘ͅ" and it felt nice at first. While the drifter got to know a bit more about themselves in the process...
 It turns out that either side ends up moving on from each other. Wait, that is a nice feeling so the drifter thought. What is that feeling called anyway?
 Wait, it was l̷͍̥̳̘̘̦͓͖̗̯̖̥̃̀̈͊̀͋̃ỏ̵̻̯̤̲͚̭̠͎̫̥̦̉͜v̶̩̺̞̜͕̙̝̀̈́̈́̿̀̍̈͛͗̕̚͠͝ȩ̵̠̍͂̾̉̾̂͊̄̕͝ͅ? 
 The drifter ended up feeling really sick saying those words due in part to what the drifter went through in the past.
 Trying as hard as they might, the drifter kept on tackling why those words were really hard to un-filter. The drifter only got more hurt in the process, fatigued, and exhausted. 
 The drifter ends up repeating this process to tackle this issue, by themselves... With no success. 
 Almost as if the drifter is seeing multiple versions of themselves giving it their all like a rat race in a lab, watching each version and iteration of the drifter tackle through the maze of problems. But each version of themselves ended up collapsing, fading away, or were too traumatized to carry forward.
 "Is there really no solution to this..."
 More of these miniature versions started to mutter in agony, yelling at themselves, blaming it as if it was their fault. One of them resorted to climbing up to the top and ended up leaping out of existence. 
 More of them yelled into the ether. 
As more of them talked, more white noise ended up being generated.
 "I want to be cared for!"
"I want to be l̴̢̢̛͕̪̖̫̯͓̺̻̇̓̆̊̓̋͆̏̽̎̽̄̆̀͒̕o̴͉͖̰͕͚̠̩̫̝̗̤̽̓̇͗̔͗̈́̇͐̈́̃̑̽̕v̸̨̡̭̙͍̩̠̱̤͋͋͐̍̓̾̆̀̍͂̎͑̕͝͝è̷̢̹̬̻͎̣͖͍̝̣͖̯͈̐̎̆̿͊̉̍̏̽̾̅̿̍̈͘͝d̴͉̪̤̘̞̿̓͗͒̄!"
"I want to be surrounded by f̵̡͈̥̖̜̲͇͓̺͙͉̻̬̼̀̃͜ͅr̷̡̩̯͖̆̈́̄̃̃̀̔̋͐͌͘̚̕͘î̸̘́̚̚e̸̛̠̱͉͈͉͍̳͓̥̝͌͑̆̀͊̿͘̕͘ͅͅn̵̡̟͈̗̣̹̦͋̄͗̐́̇̈́̏̒̋̇͒̑̚͠d̶̜̺͚̿̔̓̍̃͌̏͝͝s̴̢̭͇͖̝̙̪͍͇̭͈̳͒̍̍̏̈́̓̃̋̓̀͊̚͝ͅ!"
"I just want to be held a bit longer... Why are you l̵̦̱̹̮̮̭͎̝̝̰̝͓̘̝̼̺̤͊̇͑̓͛̿̀̾̏͝͠͝e̴͚̻̜͔̹̻̼͕̲̼̥̬̖͑̋̚ͅâ̵͖̂͒̎̅̌̇̐͗̈͝͝v̷̢̥̲̝͇̲̪̱͓̩̞͕͕͖̱̭̹̋̑̽̂́̚͠i̶̭̙̹͍̼̟̣̭͚͈̠̊̏n̶̲͍̟͖̼̼̤̋̈́̿͌g̴̨̨̧̨̤̳̦̮͙͉̘̟̳̰͖̋ ̵̟͚̑̑̉̚m̷̡̢̧͍̖͚̠͚̖̪̯͔̈́̉̀͒̌̂̀̀͌ȇ̵̛͖̭̿̿́̈̾̇͆͘͠?̵̞̟̼̝̑́͛̊̐́̈̓̍͘̕̚ ̴̢̢̛̠͔̦̪͎̖͚̝̫̦̹͕͊̌̓̈͘̚N̸̘͖̊̾̈́̾͒̎̑̈́̕̕o̶̰͍̖̤̖̯͓̗̘͓̮̟͎͎̙͙̅͒̂͗̄͐͜͝!̴̟̹͎͍̥̺͖̹̺̪͇̗̑̔̎̇̍̈̋͗̇͗͗͑́̿̈́͜ ̶̜̙͍̘̩͔̩̬̠͙̟͕̤̘̫̪̼̒̏̑P̵̢̙̩͇̩̰̔͛̆̓͊̑̀́́͜ļ̴̜̙̗̭̩͙̞͇͍̌͋̆͋ea̴͍̒̔̿̍͝ś̸̩͙̣͓̻͍̲̟̘̌̈́͊͊̂͛́̒̓͜e̷̡̨̞̞͑̆̕ ̴̟̭͔͉̙̗̼̻̮͉̼̔̾͊ͅḑ̶̨͚̭̟͉̋̌͑͆̾͐̾̂̚ŏ̶̯̘̅̅n̴̩̩̫̥̾͑͑̀'̶̨̠̥̮̋̀̄̈͆̽̌̎̅̇̊͜͝ṱ̸̨͖̩͕̩̤͎̥̦͉͙͎̣̻̍͊̏́!̸̧̧̧̮͚̺̬̩̱̩͉̙͚͖͆̏͐̿̋̅̓͋̉̆͂͋̌͋̃̀͝"̷̧͇̖̯͇̅͜͝
  Ḑ̷̢̲̗͇̗͍̰̘̺̬̹͆̇̅͛͐ơ̵̢͉̼̹̬̣̬̜̜͖͕̞̭̜̭̙̓͂́̽͑̕͝ ̶̢͕̳͇̖͍̜͈̩̻̭̦̩̿ͅṕ̸͔̤͉̼̺͇͎̤͉̾̀e̶̼̯̙͗̽̇̕ò̸̼̫̏͆͋̔͊͂̅̒̎̈́̕̚͝͠͝p̷̛̭͔̮̤̠̙̓͂̐̓̔͗͋̀̂͘͠ļ̷̡̘͔͙̱͓͕̰̙̭̬̗̊͊̋̄́͑́̑̏̀͒̈́͠͝e̷̡̡̢̬͈͎̗̣̣̘͘ͅ ̵̨̠̖͍̰͉̥͗ŗ̷̨̛̭̘̗͇̯͙̱͉͚̞̙͓̈́̋̽̂̇̈́͊̈̀̐͗͠ê̵̡̤̞̖͖̻͇̺̯̲̋̓͗͂͐̏̕̕̕̕a̶̡͙̣͔̦̦͈̤̮̓̔̄̕̚̕ḻ̴̡̛̟͙̻̩́̓́̌̍̈́͋͐́͆͂̂̕͝͝l̶̢̧̢̡͚̩̰̲̼͖̭̭͔͓̽̔̈̂̈́͐̏͊̾͜͝ͅy̷͖̤̽̊̌̽̓̔̋̇́͌ ̵̛͚̳̞̳̠̱̪̣͑͆̉̾́̀̂́̎̐͊̚̕͠ͅḷ̴̛͎̲̱̤͇͆̍̏͑̎́̈́̓̑̇͘e̴̹̱̬̳̪͉̯͔̪̪̯̹̠̬̫̎̈̅̏̉͂͛̾͋̌̆̈̕͝͝͠ǎ̴̼̳̳͖̮͎̝͖̲͇̳̖͗̑͛v̵̡̧̖̺̟̳̗̟̪̪͉̔̈́́̂̾̆̈́͒̈́͘ͅe̸̱̝͔̓̋͂͛̕͝ ̵͉̩͖͓̬̩̹͒̾́̚m̸̢̖̪̟͔̤̹̜̦͇̭͕̟̖̳̗͋̒̏̎̌̓̕͠ė̵͚͙̌̓̅̋̃̿̽̕͝ ̷̼̻̯̥̯̻͙̮̞͎̍͐͋̐̊͒̋̎͑͐͗̒̋̀͠͝b̸͕͉̫̦͔͗̌̾ȩ̸̛̯͆͛̋̑̉̀͐̒́̓͌̉̐͘h̵̡̧͍͓̟̮̘̬̤̟̫͚̭͓̰̆͒͐͗͂̓͛̅̚̚͜͝ͅi̸̢̻̟͚͈̪̘̹̼̩̮͎̙̾̈ņ̵̳̱̰̞͎̼̺̳̺̦͙̙̝̬͂̓̄̈͂̿ͅd̷̜̣̠͚̰͓͂͛͑̉̽̈́̈́͗͒̈͘ ̵̢̗̙̼͉̭͕̤͉̤̟̮̮̘̤́̈́̒͑̕͜b̶̭̈́̅̇͛̂̍̾̃͝͝e̴͓̼͇̭͕̤̤̖̦͇̱͇͌͊̔̈͌͒̓̾̉̌̊̑c̸̛͓̯̙̳̊̔̂̊̈́̔̐͊͆̉̊́͒̕̚â̴̧̛̺̠̘̻̗̩̼̪̖̙͚̙̻͓̔̑̿̓̒̇̌͑͜͝͝u̸̺͉̱͕̗̗͙͖̠͈̪͔̙͉̎͂̆̎̀̓̑̿̏̓̽s̸̞̳̒̔̐̽̉̑̈́̈́͑̿͊̌̃͗͘̕͝ȩ̴̝̠̮̹̫̐̕͘͝ ̶̛̻͓̫̳̥͍̪̙͗́̑̈̽̊̔̽͜͝Ỉ̴͚͈̜͚͔̪̗̬̱͕̞̹̙͇̌̃̀͝͠ ̴̨̛͕̬͙̣̜̝͇̓́́̏̏́͑͆̒̇̅́͒̇̿ͅͅņ̵̗̮̫̖̟̦̹͉͕̮̭͋͋͌̈́̽͋͗͊̚̕͜͜͝e̷͍̗̪̎͊̾̄́͒͘v̷̧̘̰̗͉̫̟̘̲͇̥̝̝̋̽̈̔̈́͊̐͝͠è̴̢̡̨̛̫͕̦̮͖̱̝̲͎͂̐̀̿͗̇̕͘̕̚͜ṙ̵͓̼̜̅ͅ ̴̗͖̑̌̽̃̎̀̊́̌͑̓̕͝ḑ̶͕̬̲̣̺̉͐̀̉̈͆͋̆̈́̎̂̂͋̚̕͝í̶̡̬̩̠̜̹̪̤̹͙͔̞͓̤͍̣͗̎̀̅̀̏̓͜͝d̸͍̣̰̦͈̻̞̻̳̣̖͈̑̆͒͂͑̿̀̕̕ͅ ̸̢̧͚̺̦͓̦̦̣̠̰͂̿̃̈́̋̈́̾̽͋̂͐̾̏͑̇̚͜ͅe̸̛̛͓̤̖̳͌̐͑͊́͐̆̍̉͂̔͋̒͘͠n̵̩͉͛͂̀͗͋̂̇͝o̸̜͎̠͈̫̲̦̯̊̍͌̂͂̕ų̸̣̜͈̦̪̯̟̻͗̓̈́̈́̇̑̐̃̀̂̽̒̓͜ͅg̷̡̬͉̖̟̻̩͕̞͔͓̊̄h̴̹͚̯̩̘̹̜̦̼̠̙͈͚̹̖̾̿̄͜͜ ̵͉̠͍͍͆̒̀̽̿̀̈̔̆̀̈́f̵̛̰̭̠̣̙͚̟͕̓̍̽͑͊̍̿́͝ö̸̢̯̹̖̺̰̭͓͎̖̼̱̭͍̀͆̾́͗́̋̀̏̚͝͝r̴̢̥͓̭̬̣̪̭̻̱̯̟͎̳͚̥̟̿͛̉͑̀̈̕͝ ̷̛͎̮̦̭͇̞̭̳̏́̿̽̃͛͒́͛̿̆͘t̶̛̩̼̦͓̫͔̺̮̟̪̺̦̪̕ͅḧ̵̡̪͖̭̜̤̤̞͖͍͇̜͇̩̝͐̅̂́̀̄̀̄̅̉̈́͋͝͠e̵̲̜̱͇̰̿̉͒̃̈́̍̈́͛͛͘̕m̶̻̹̭̬̙͍̳̗̫͇̟̖̃̍?̷̧̨̤͚̣̩͖̲̖̖̻͔͐̀̈́͒̈̆̿͆̈̾̓̓͂̂̕͝͠
   "It seems that I do not really deserve the right to be c̸̨̪͉̤̹͔͎͇͓̘̳̦̭̮̍͂̒̀̃̚͝l̶̢̲͔̜̬͚̠̓̉̒́̇͒̚ó̷̢̨̲̝͍͙̼̺̲̇̉͝ͅš̶̢̨̢̛̫̹̜̻̹͓͉̯̦̯͚̹̭͎̈́̎̿̆̔̋́̋̍͛̂͌̈̀͝ę̸̗̆̂̈̅̇̈́̋́̑̑́͋̀̎̈̕ ̶̧̡̺̩̻̥̫̳̟͖̘̞͚̃̒̊̽̈́͑̾̔̏̀͌͊́͂͜ͅţ̸̛̛̠̘͚̰̳̜̲̞͇͎͍̩̮̥̔̆́̇̓͗̆̈́̉̏͘͝ͅõ̴̰͍̯̯̗͕̓̅́͌̀̓ͅ ̴̭̮̬̬̥̯̼̱̬̞̆̽͂̎́̓̂͗͆͑͌͛̐͝͝ơ̷̛̰̻̰̟̽̽͆̉͊̈́̇̐̅̅̈́̀̌͆̕ṭ̵̨̦͈̑̈̓̋͝ḣ̴͎̳̝̣̺̫͓͉͍̫̺̫̹̮̱̤̫̋̀͂̐͗̂͒͗̚͝e̴̡̬̻̜̱̱̰̠̹̳̳͊͗̉̐̀̌̍̑̃̑̋̊̀͠r̷͔̰̻̻͎̯̩͇̬̠̬͔͖̔̃̑̒͊̊̑̄͗͂̕͠ ̸̝̩̮̮̯̠̈́̔̀̕͜͠͠͝ͅp̶̨̭͎̰̠̣͇͕͈͕̼̜̫͕̃́̏̈e̵̞̱̻͔̪͛̇͌͝o̸̭͚͎̹͑̏̋̅̒́͑p̵̧̧͇̫̳̰̹̖̜̮̝͎̭̓̒̅l̶̨͚͍̖͇̙͉̤̯̭̙͔̝̾͆ͅe̸̪̥̙͔̟̮̲͖͔̱͈͕̟̺͌͑̄̒̀̄͒͗̓ anymore if I can't even save myself..."
  The consequence of not having this life long concept of things not lasting forever has only driven the inner selves with more unrest, turbulent and agony. The drifter realized...
 For as many good things can happen in one's life, it eventually had to end.
 The drifter stood away from the container of miniature versions of themselves simulating this brutal cycle... Even the drifter ended up getting down on all fours to hyper ventilate. 
 That drifter no longer had the strength to go on and laid there peacefully.
 Only for another drifter that looked exactly like them spawned, walked over and slowly covered the previous iteration's face with their face completely covered by their hood. That individual proceeded to get up only to walk to a crowd to which they did not recognize anyone, sat down by themselves as a blue haired figure approached them slowly. Eventually, they got closer, held each other. That blue haired figure ended up slowly fading away. Then, the drifter ended up getting on all fours again, before plopping down to the ground.
 Another drifter spawned and took note of all the other drifters who have collapsed before. Yet, this one was resilient.
 "That's... Really how life just works... Yet, I am cursed with this knowledge from the entire past. It is just that overwhelming that a lot of people end up getting lost if I end up talking about it. So..."
 The most resilient drifter that is the only one currently live continues that sentence.
 "I'm just going to live my life. The one person that is guaranteed in my entire life is me. That's why I drift."
 The footsteps echo as the remaining, sole drifter remaining ends up turning their back to the audience. The spotlight shines on their back as they end up walking to the sunset. Before they become a silhouette. Eventually disappearing like a mirage.
 The scene ends.
 The play ends.
 However, the title card to the show completely faded away to existence.
 What was brave about this exactly...
 =============================================================================
 I ended up having my breath taken away by this play...
 There's honestly no words that could describe how I feel seeing all that. I definitely need to get a breather.
 As I finally exit out of the theatre and take in the fresh air, it seems that I've stumbled upon someone younger. Almost resembling me of...
 "Hey there! I didn't miss the play, did I?"
 // Ah well... You just missed it.
 "Awe man... Oh well though! You don't seem like the other adults. They constantly tell me what not to do and it's so stupid! But you know..."
 He took a while to look at me.
 "Somehow I feel like I can trust you. You totally look like me, but older. That means you're my big bro!"
 // HUHHHHHHHHHHH?!
 "EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!"
 Well... Yeah that detail slipped my mind. Though in all honesty, I would of had a big brother but he unfortunately... Passed when he was born. He would of been older than my sister by now. It is interesting now that I'm experiencing this but in reverse...
 For a while, we both look stupefied staring at each other before we got used to it. Then we dropped our shocked, surprised Pikachu faces.
 // So what are you doing by yourself there?
 "I just like to run around and see new things. Places I've never been before!"
 // I see, I see... If it makes you feel better, hey go for it. 
 "Yes yes yes! Yes it does!"
 Wow, he's certainly jumping all over the place...
 "Though I didn't expect to meet you here. I got lots of questions to ask! But I don't know where to start."
 // Well, tell you what. How about you ask questions that you really want to know and also ask really good ones!
 "Mmmm... What is it like being an adult?"
 // It's a journey for sure. There will be high highs, and low lows. But as long as you keep your head up... I have a feeling you'll somehow make it through.
 Huh, he's being quiet. It seems like he is taking this quite seriously. 
 "What's the single most important thing that-that-uh... That you want to tell me right now! Tell me something that I will never forget!"
 My jaw drops. It seems that curiosity of mine and its' origins go way back. 
 // Do you really want to know?
 "YES YES YES! YES YES YES!"
 I close my eyes and sigh a bit.
 // It'll be a while. Can you take me someplace that's peaceful with a nice view? Can you do it for your big bro?
 I end up sweetening the pot here just to see him gush-
 "YEAH YEAH YEAH LET'S GO!"
 He grabbed my hand and ran me real quick. We ended up jogging for a while through a forest, eventually climbing up a hill. It had a nice view of most of the surrounding area.
 // Ah... I'm quite impressed. This view is very... Grand. You did well.
 "Awe thanks heh heh heh!"
 // Alright, come sit with me and look the view with me. I'll go ahead and answer your question.
 He nods in agreement and sat next to me.
 // Let me get one thing out of the way. What is your name exactly?
 "It's S-!"
 The voice was quite muffled to the rest of the world, only the two of us heard the name in full.
 // Hey, that's exactly my name too.
 "NO WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
 // Hah hah hah... I haven't even answered your question at all. However, that means answering your question is even more impactful than I imagined. As a matter of fact, we are directly related.
 "I AH UH, THIS IS TOO EXCITING! LIKE A MYSTERY-"
 // Yes yes... But please allow me to talk for a while. 
 I give time for the other to calm down.
 "Okayimready" 
 It only lasted for five seconds...
 // Alright alright... 
 Though I needed a minute to take a deep breath before I proceed to taking up the front stage, metaphorically speaking.
 // This honestly goes to anyone younger than me, but especially for you, little bro... The most important thing that I want others to know and that I can finally leave behind... Is to genuinely enjoy your life. Enjoy what you currently have. Savor every moment. When you have something worth holding onto, please treasure it as much and as long as you can until it is no more. Please live your life in the moment. Do you want to know why I'm saying all this?
 "Nope nope not at all. I mean I enjoy going outside does that count?"
 // Yeah, it does count. But what I'm saying is if you condition your mind to question everything, that means there is not much time or capacity to enjoy things, if you will... Yes, my career path requires me to question and think things very hard... But in the process, I've lost me. 
 "What do you mean?! YOU'RE RIGHT HERE!!!!"
 // Physically, that's true. But this is not here... This is completely empty.
 I close my fist and place it against my chest.
 "I mean you got a heart it gets the blood moving around!"
 // Heh heh, that's humorous. But I'll make this simple to explain. You know how you're behaving right now right?
 "AWE NO AM I IN TROUBLE? ARE YOU GOING TO BE A STINKY ADULT?"
 // Quite the opposite. Keep being yourself right now. I mean, follow the rules and your laws of course but never let anyone take away your personality.
 "Oooooo.. Oh."
 // Because one day, if you give into peer pressure, you'll end up chasing other people for validation and you may lose yourself in the process. So, just do you little guy. Alright? Don't be a loser like me and keep struggling with my own mind, pushing people away and believing that I'm the only person that can save me.
 My entire face leaked like a river, I couldn't help but tear up a lot.
 "Huh? Who said you had to save yourself, on your own? The stinky adults are at it again they're being mean to you!"
 // Ahh... It seems I've been so hard on myself that I want to protect you. You're the only positive thing I got going for me.
 "Ah uh uh! Oh god oh god I've never seen an adult cry as much as a woman like you! HAH HAH HAH HAHHHHHHHHHH!"
 // Uwahhhh.....
 "Ah oh. Uh oh. sorrysorrysorry but anyway... That's really cool that you're me though! I did not know I would still be the same crybaby I am! Heh heh hah hah!"
 // .....
 "Stick your hand out right now."
 I went ahead and do so.
 "So how does my hand feel?"
 // It's quite warm, actually. Burning hot.
 "Ohhhhh! Do you want to know why my hand is so warm?"
 // Oh how come?
 "Because I'm made of Ļ̸͇̖̫̖̯̲̩̪͖̬̫̘͚͝Ò̷̧̭̻̦̹̗̞̬͓͙̀́̊̋̑͋̏͘͝V̴̛̯̙̓̽͑̈̇͗̀́͘̚̕̚͘͝͠Ḛ̷̛̑̒̆̄̎E̶͖̙̅̉̀̑̒̈́͝ͅȨ̴̨̲͖̳̱͔̤͓̔͒͑͒̚͘ͅĘ̷͎̺̰͔͓̹͖͚̻̯̠͌͛͌͜ͅȨ̴̯̺̭̗̬̗̘͙̖̞͍̍̅̈̾͌̓̕͠Ë̸̙̗͍̰̤̺̯͈̥̪̰̤́́̑̀̔̀̇̆͊̐͐͆̕͝͠ͅĘ̵̫͚͉̙͚̖̫̹̪̗̋̇̇̒̈́̔̾̿͛̓̈́͛̔͆͠Ẽ̷̬̬̣̩̝̫͙͉̲͕̩̖̮̓͛͆̀̈͐̓Ę̸̦̠̻̘̹͖͕̻̮̟̘̑͌̓̃͗̋̉͑͐̏̌̾̆̚͘͝EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!~"
 Just like that, a core memory has been unlocked to the time I pulled that exact same stunt to my classmates. It became very warm, extremely nostalgic. If anything, this is the most important being in front of me right now...
 You see... This individual is the same personality that has inspired many people. The fact that this fella has been with me my entire life and has never left. It was just merely dormant. Even though everything else of me is gone. The one thing my mind did its absolute to preserve... Is this national treasure. Some call this side a "goofy goober", "silly", it gets people surprised at the darndest things this thing says. 
 // PLEASE SAY IT AGAIN!
 "BECAUSE I'M MADE OF LOVE! LOTS OF LOVE! I WANNA LOVE! I WANNA SEE LOTS OF PEOPLE! I WANNA CUDDLE!"
 I ended up shedding more tears, the most tears I've ever made in a while (even as of writing this), but not out of despair. But the genuine warm tears of sweet nostalgia that allowed me to be at my most vulnerable. I end up looking at my other self as my entire face is flushed and wet. Replying to him in kind.
 // I WANT THIS AWFUL WORLD TO GO BACK TO BEING CHILL! I WANT MY IDEALS OUT THERE! I WANT MY IDEAS AND THOUGHTS TO LIVE ON FOREVER WITHIN PEOPLE! I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT ROMANCE IS NOT THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES PEOPLE HAPPY!... IT'S KNOWING THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE SO NICE TO TALK TO AND BE AROUND AND EXIST! I WANT TO CONTINUE EXISTING WITH PEOPLE! I WANT TO KEEP MAKING STUFF! I WANT TO CUDDLE! I WANT TO BE AFFECTIONATE!
 I shake my other self vividly and aggressively.
 // DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT THE MOST?
 "WHATWHATHWHATWHWATHATW ISISISISISIS ITTTTTTT GAH YOU'RE TOO STRONG STOP!"
 // I NEED YOU! YOU ARE ME! 
 "WHWAHAWHFAWEH PFFT WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A CRYBABY WHO IS SOCIALLY SO AWKWARD THAT I MAKE UP RANDOM STUFF AND TALK FIVE HUNDRED MILES A MINUTEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
 // YOU CALL IT BEING A CRYBABY, I CALL IT AFFECTIVE EMPATHY!
 "WUHHHHHH STOP IT THESE WORDS ARE SO DUMB WHAT DOES IT MEANNNNNNNNNNN!"
 // It means your ability to sense other peoples feelings are so strong... That you get so easily affected by it that it overwhelms you.
 "NOOOOOOO STOP I DON'T WANNA BE A CRYBABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! I WANNA GROW BIG AND STRONG AND NOT BECOME A DUMB LAKEEEEEEEEE!"
 // You have no idea fella... That this side of you is exactly why... Why uh... Mmm... Ahh...
 I'm getting really bashful saying this.
 "WHY ARE YOUR CHEEKS TURNING RED DO YOU HAVE A FEVER? YUCKKKKKKKK! LET GO OF ME!"
 // That's why people fall in love with you and want to be closer to you.
 "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
 // THAT'S WHY I'M SAYING KEEP BEING YOURSELF!
 "Oh gosh uh i thought people want those cool guys like in the Hollywood movies and-"
 // NO, DO NOT BE AN E-BOY OR TRY TO FOLLOW THE CROWD! 
 "okie uwu"
 // Sigh... Well, the fact that I was able to cry without feeling terrible means something positive.
 "SO YOU GOT THAT COOL SUPER POWER TO CRY ON COMMAND WOOOOOOOOO LET'S GOOOOOOOOO!"
 // AHHHHHHHHHHH STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP ITTTTTTTTTT! DON'T GLORIFY MY TEARS! 
 I end up pouting and stomping my feet down... I can definitely tell that my younger self caused a lot of hell...
 // Seriously though, I feel like I've lifted a heavy burden out of my chest.
 "That's good yeah yeah yeah yeah-"
 // It's not enough.
 "YOU'RE JUST HARD TO IMPRESS!"
 // Mmm... I wish I could say that was the case. Then I wouldn't even need to deep dive my mind. You see, there's still a key thing I've been lacking since the start of this all. 
 "and whazzts that, exactlyyyyyyy?"
 // My body still can't generate those like feelings. 
 "What do you mean, you said you needed MEEEEEEEEE-UH!"
 // Yes, well that's myself I'm talking about. That's the easy part for me. What I'm saying is, I used to have the ability to like other people. But it has mysteriously went away after the last couple people I've liked. Like it got so disappointed it just didn't want to show up ever again... If anything, it's gone to the extent that it's not just missing... It's practically banished across all dimensions of my very fiber and being. 
 "UWAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THAT'S REALLY BAD! THAT MEANS NO MORE DATES, YOU BIG CRYBABY!"
 // Yeah yeah yeah, I generate enough tears that I could be your water sprinkler for your lawn you little shi-
 "HEYYYYY I HEARD THAT!"
 // Because you were meant to hear that for being a rebel. Anyway... I feel like I still got a long ways to go. Well, you wanna tag along?
 "OH I GET TO ADVENTURE WITH SOME COMPANY YES YES YES-"
 // ON ONE CONDITION! No more crybaby. And I'll talk to you like an adult.
 "OH THAT'S EASY! OF COURSE!"
 // Almost forgot, we have another person that is going to tag along as well... But how can I bring her back here. Right, if this is how it works then...
 I imagine the previous encounter with her, the rage, the disgust, the fury and tenacity she has brought to me. Suddenly, I felt someone shoving my shoulder. 
 "Huh, you actually have some color on you for once and didn't drown in the river. Lovely... So did you figure your shit out?" as the tomboy elbows me.
 // It's still a work in progress... I'm missing a core function of myself, but it's going to only get harder from here. I've decided I'm going to need all the help I can get.
 "Alright, I get to have some action. And you look like you're actually going to do something interesting. Sure I'll stick around mister, "I love myself!". The little fella chimes in shortly after.
 "oh oh oh! did you know he cries a lot?"
 "Yeah, I sure do. I'm the lady that made him suffer and cry in pain and agony until he got his shit back together."
 "WOWWWWWWWWW YOU ARE A BULLY WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN!"
 "He needs that in order to survive and be there for the people he cares about. Had he not have me along, neither of us would of exist and we'd die alongside him for having a weak will."
 // True. You got a point there. But you're so destructive in your methods that I had to nerf you and well, you look like that now.
 "Pfft. Hah hah hah... Well at least I look good now."
 While a large weight has been lifted within me... It seems that the core root of the problem still exists within me. I can't really afford to celebrate quite yet. It seems that it's up to myself and everything I've learned so far to tackle the heart breaking dilemma. I've even gained some parts of me back in the process. Though I have a feeling this is only just the tip of the iceberg. And there's yet more to uncover about myself that needs to be done in order to finally understand a few things:
 Why am I missing the ability to love others when I used to do it before?
What other things do I need to experience in order to make progress with myself?
What is exactly the truth of this world and how does one come to terms with them?
And well... How many more embarrassing things about me is going to be revealed? 
 We finally board a train and I end up resting on it, with my eyes closed.
It's about time to take a break from my head for now.